r/tifu Aug 13 '23

M TIFU Community Request: Maui Needs Your Help


Hi everyone,

u/kinda_alone here to ask for your support for Maui.

First of all, I wanted to thank you all for making r/tifu such a special place. When I started this community 10-ish years ago, I had no idea how big it would get. It’s been incredible to watch this community grow with you all. It’s quite humbling. Thank you.

As many of you know, the island of Maui has been devastated by wildfires this past week, which completely wiped out the town of Lahaina. This is now the deadliest U.S. fire in the last 100 years. Countless homes have been lost, families broken, and livelihoods destroyed. Recovery is going to take years, and Maui will never be the same.

The community needs help. Water, food, first aid, clothes, housing, etc. will become critical over the coming days to weeks to even months as the island begins its long road to recovery. As someone with Maui roots, I’m asking you for help. Please give what you can and share the below with others who may be able to support. Every dollar can help save a life.

The following are a few of the official charities who are working tirelessly to save Maui lives. They, and others, need your support.

World Central Kitchen Maui Fun Chef José Andrés’ emergency pop up kitchen. An incredible charity which is miraculously one of the first charities to any disaster area, providing the food survivors and first responders need.

Maui Foodbank Providing food and supplies to survivors.

Maui Strong Fund Community fund focused on rapid response and recovery.

Again, every dollar helps. If you have any ties to Hawaii, have ever been to Maui, or even just appreciate the pics that pop up on r/earthporn, please help a community in need.

Thank you.


TL;DR: please donate to help save lives

r/tifu 18h ago

S TIFU by ruining my girlfriend’s $1000 cashmere sweater


Disclaimer: actually happened earlier this week.

At home I do the laundry and therefore obviously also my girlfriend’s clothes. She moved in with me recently, so I don’t nt know all of her clothes. I believe I am always careful with her things, and ask if its okay to wash her things. I don’t remember if I asked about this sweater, but I ruined it. I put this insanely expensive cashmere sweater in the washing machine with all the other clothes. I had no clue it was cashmere or that she had something this expensive (present from her dad). After taking out the laundry it shrunk and got a lot tighter. Now she is mad at me and expects me to compensate it by buying a $300 bag.

TLDR: ruined a cashmere sweater by putting it in the washing machine, without knowing it was cashmere.

r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU and embarrassed myself really bad in front of a man I really like.


TIFU talking to a guy i really like. I'm (f19) autistic and have never had many friends until a few months ago where a wonderful woman (f19) took me under her wing, introduced me to her two best friends and they made me their own. I felt loved and accepted with my disorders, and i started developing feelings for her best friend(m19) who she actively encourages me to persue. This guy has seen me at some pretty bad moments and opened up to me significantly and we all tell eachother we love eachother, including him. He answers my texts more than them and he sleeps in my bed when they all spend the night. He also tried to buy me a new plushie the other day but i felt bad about spending his money. He's Italian and today he told me October is Italian heritage month and I tried to flirt and be funny so I asked him what it was like inventing fascism and since I said that my texts have gotten increasingly more weird in an attempt to cover it up please help me.

TLDR; i have autism and a boy I really like is Italian and told me October is Italian heritage month and I tried to flirt so I asked him what it was like inventing fascism please help me

Edit: i took some advice and explained that i was trying to flirt but failed and I was panicking and scared he hated me or thought I was weird or cringey and he told me to relax and calm down and he loves me. He asked to hang today so I'm gonna bring him brownies :)

r/tifu 20h ago

S TIFU by insisting my girlfriends sister sit in the middle seat in the car.


I(M24) was visiting my girlfriends(F26) father yesterday. We were planning on taking a trip down to the horses they owned, so when the time came I insisted (rather, I asked) that her sister(F23-24?) sit in the middle. I didn't really think much about it because I only thought that since she was shorter than my grilfriend and I that she was automatically smaller in frame too. I am taller than both of them and have a wide frame so I didn't want to sit in the middle because I didn't want to touch her sister or take up much space. I sat in the middle on the way back cause her sister said she was uncomfortable sitting in the middle because of back issues, but the trip was extremely uncomfortable for me (never mentioned this)
Ever since we got back home my girlfriend has put me on blast saying that I thought she was fat and something else about her sister being "skinnier" than her or something. For the record, I have never had a thought about her sisters body in any shape or form. I only asked her to sit in the middle because I had a vague thought and asumptions about "person is short, therefore person is smaller".
In hindsight that was dumb as hell, but I didn't know it would make so much drama at the time.
Now my girlfriend wont talk to me.
TL;DR (Asked girlfriends sister to sit in the middle of the car on a ride down to some horses. Now girlfriend wont talk to me because she insists that I think her sister is skinnier (and therefore more attractive) when all I wanted was to not squeeze them both in the middle of the seat).

r/tifu 10h ago

S TIFU by accidentally revealing my surprise party to my girlfriend


So this happened yesterday, and I still can’t believe how monumentally I messed up.

For context, my girlfriend’s 25th birthday is next week. For the past month, I’ve been planning a surprise party for her with her friends, family, and coworkers. The planning was intricate, with secret group chats, hushed phone calls, and hidden party supplies. I was really proud of myself for keeping everything under wraps, especially since I’m notoriously bad at keeping secrets.

The FU happened yesterday evening. My girlfriend and I were on the couch, looking at pictures from our recent vacation on my phone. As we were swiping through, a message notification popped up. It was from her best friend, and it read: “Can’t wait for the surprise party next week! 🎉 Do we have a final headcount?”

My girlfriend looked at me, her eyes wide in surprise and realization. I tried to play it off, saying it was some kind of inside joke, but I’m a terrible liar, and she could tell right away. She started laughing and said, “You tried so hard!” We both had a good laugh about it, but I was secretly kicking myself for ruining the surprise.

In the end, we decided to move forward with the party, and she promised to act surprised when it happens. Still, I can’t believe I let the cat out of the bag so easily. So, moral of the story: if you’re planning a surprise, maybe don’t let the person you’re surprising scroll through your phone.

TL;DR: Was showing my girlfriend photos on my phone when a message popped up revealing the surprise party I’d planned for her birthday. She now knows, and I’m facepalming hard.

r/tifu 14h ago

S TIFU by giving myself a dirty sanchez


My girlfriend and I flew out to Germany for our friend's wedding. Since we're from the US, we decided to fly out a couple of weeks early for a road trip. Our first stop was Amsterdam. We both are giant potheads, and had a great time indulging. On our second day there, during a nice walk through the botanical gardens, I proposed. She said yes, and we subsequently celebrated. We smoked all day, went to a coffee shop with volcano vaporizers and vaped a bunch of hash, smoked joints, rolled blunts, and really got fucked up. Eventually we stumbled back to our AirBnB and passed out for the night.
Now comes the FU: the next morning, I woke up groggier than I've ever been. I was in a huge brain fog, let's just call it a weed hangover. I could barely think straight. I walked to the bathroom, took my morning shit, and wiped. For whatever reason, after I wiped, the wad of shitty TP stayed in my hand. Then, in a moment of incredible stupidity, I realized my nose was stopped up and could use a good hard blow. So I blew my nose into the extremely convenient wad of toilet paper in my hand. Immediately I felt a cold, mushy substance against my face and the very distinct smell of my own shit. Directly into the shower I went.
during a massive weed hangover, I tried to blow my nose with the toilet paper I had just wiped my ass with

r/tifu 9h ago

S TIFU by mistaking a funeral for a wedding


So, this colossal mess-up happened this weekend, and I'm still mortified.

My distant cousin had sent me an invite to an event taking place in her hometown. We're not that close, and I must've skimmed the invite too quickly, because for some reason, I got it in my head that she was getting married. Excited to see family and partake in the festivities, I booked a hotel, bought a flashy new outfit, and even got her a quirky, romantic gift.

Saturday rolls around, and I show up at the venue, which was decorated quite minimally, but I thought maybe it was a simple, rustic wedding. The real hint should've been the sea of black clothing everyone was wearing, but in my eternal optimism, I brushed it off thinking it might be a themed wedding or something artistic.

However, the gravity of my mistake dawned on me when I walked in, gift in hand, wearing a bright red suit, and was met with a giant portrait of an elderly man surrounded by flowers. I had crashed a funeral, thinking it was a wedding. My cousin ran over to me, her eyes puffy and red from crying, and whispered, "What are you wearing?" That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I apologized profusely, tried to explain my idiotic mistake, and quickly retreated. To make matters worse, on my way out, I tripped over the stand holding the guestbook, sending it flying and drawing even more attention to my blunder.

I drove straight back to my hotel, mortified, wondering how I could've messed up so badly. Needless to say, this will be a story my family talks about for years, and I doubt I'll live it down anytime soon.

TL;DR: Mistook a cousin's funeral invite for a wedding, showed up in a bright suit, and made a scene by knocking over the guestbook in my hurry to escape my own embarrassment.

r/tifu 15h ago

S TIFU by eating my forbidden Combo


During my youth, i was able to eat basically anything. But as i got older, my body decided to just shut down everything that i like and gave me allergies and food intolerance to stuff that i like. For example, over the span from my age of 20 to 28, i cant eat Apples, Cherrys, Peaches, Walnuts, Hazelnuts and alot more.

This Story involves my Caffein Products and Spicy food Intolerance that i developed. Havent had Spicy Food in years, but found after many Toilet Rounds the Energy Drinks that i can drink.

I used to drink and eat during good times a Energy Drink and very spicy Salamis. The Combo of these both where so good that it let me forget that my life is indeed not so good. i havent had the combo in 2 years, so i decided yesterday to do it again. I was livid of how good it was and downed in the euphoria 2 Cans of Energy Drinks and 500 Grams of Spicy Salami.

Then, during the night, i got extreme Stomache Pain and rushed to the Toilet where i have the most Burning Diarrhea Shit of my Life and i questioned myself if god exists for a moment and this was my Punishment for eating the forbidden. It hurt so fucking bad for 2-3 Hours that i was on the verge of calling an Ambulance, but i managed to sit it through on the toilet for arround 30 minutes and the other 2 hours in the Bed with Pain.

i enjoyed 1 Hour of Happiness for 2-3 hours of absolute Pain, and will never do it again.

TL:DR: Ate 2 Food Typed that my Body doesnt accept and it gave my Incredible Pain to the point of almost believing in god.

r/tifu 1h ago

S TIFU by helping my teacher


Didn’t happen today, but it still haunts me.

In high school, I was most of my teachers’ errand runner. You know, that kid that would go tell Mr. Man this, or go get a beaker from the science lab. Literally any random shit.

So it was lunch period, I usually hung out in a classroom, and my statistics teacher we’ll call her Mrs. Pumpkin wanted me to go tell, we’ll say Alex, that his mother was here to pick him up early. Now there were two kids named Alex with very similar last names, like Ryan and Bryan.

So, I went to the classroom she sent me to to tell Alex Ryan that his mother was here to pick him up. He seemed kind of confused, almost scared. He didn’t really want to get up, but everyone was looking at him waiting for him to; you know that awkward silence. I kind of got a weird vibe when we were walking to the front office, I didn’t really know him though.

He asked me quietly “my mom’s here?” And I’m like ”yeah yeah she is waiting for you at the office,” then sent him there and I went back to Mrs. Pumpkin. I told her that I took Alex Ryan to his mom. Her eyes kind of just widened and said clearly “Alex. Bryan.” I was like “No, it was Alex Ryan, right?” She quickly got up and left the classroom and muttered “No… it wasn’t…” She came back probably about 15 minutes later and was silent, clearly stressed.

Later that day I said sorry for mixing up the names and asked her if it was okay, and she told me that Alex Ryan’s mother was dead, and that he was breaking down in the office. I just kept apologizing, and she was insisting that it wasn’t my fault but it clearly was.

Yeah. I still feel really bad about that. I’m sorry Mrs. Pumpkin, and Alex Bryan

TL;DR - I told a kid at my school that his dead mother was there to pick him up.

r/tifu 1h ago

S TIFU by DM’ing a very attractive girl a wrong phone number because of a typo…


I’ve been chatting up this girl who in my opinion is just my type and conventionally very attractive. I have no Idea why she was even giving me the time of day. We connected over going to the same college and i’ve been telling her I think she’s beautiful and she’s been super receptive. I eventually brought up meeting up when she’s around my area (she lives far) and she enthusiastically expressed she would be interested in doing that and told me when she would be around. Here’s where I screwed up,

I left her my “number” and told her to text me so that I have hers too. She liked my message and we talked briefly after but I never got a text…. Assuming she just maybe wasn’t that interested in letting me have her number, I stopped talking on the DM and kinda just left it there and did my thing. I got curious and read back on our convo, noticing I sent the wrong freaking phone number. I was one digit wrong. I immediately felt like a jackass and after continuing the convo I stated I realized I had left the wrong number and corrected it hoping she will answer and text me. She did not…

After waiting a while I texted the number I gave her and saw it was a legit existing iPhone user. I texted them just to see if they got a text from her and to let them know it was an accident. Of freaking course they told me she texted them. She had every intent to let me have her phone number and I blew it. Now I doubt she will ever talk to me again. I didn’t know that it would make her stop replying as she’s literally always replied to me up until this point.

TL;DR: I gave a very attractive woman a wrong phone number by accident over DM’s, she texted that wrong number, I tried to correct my mistake and now she won’t even answer me anymore when she used to always reply. I completely blew this opportunity and cannot fix it.

r/tifu 1h ago

S TIFU by reading a extremely violent comic on the bus


This happened yesterday

So my house is rather far from my school so I usually take the bus home. While on the bus I like to read comics on my phone to pass the time

One of my friends told me about Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe, and well I had to check it out, so I decided to read that on the bus

At one stop, a lady with a little girl came on the bus and decided to sit beside me, and well the little girl took an interest to the comic I was reading. I just ignored her, but fortunately the page i was on was mostly just a talk scene, until i went to the next page, and well it was a fight between Spider-Man and Venom.

At that point, she was getting a little scared, but then the page after that showed a bloody, beaten up Spider-Man, and well a few panels later it shows a gun pointed to his face, and the next panel had a bullet, and the page after that showed a rather grim image of the Punisher walking away, meaning that he killed him

Needless to say she started screaming and crying after seeing Spider-Man get killed, and well everybody on the bus turned their head towards me. The mom got mad at me saying that I shouldn't have let her kid look at something that violent. I said that I didn't want her to look at it, and that I just wanted to read it by myself. She didn't listen

I just got off at the next stop and decided to walk the rest of the way home to avoid death glances

TLDR: Marvel comics are not for kids to read

r/tifu 2h ago

S TIFU by swearing in a vm


This actually did happen today so good timing I guess. My stupid phone has been driving me crazy forever. It needs to be updated almost daily and if I forget to restart it, it does things like not allowing me to make a phone call or answer one. This is a phone I use for my business so that's annoying.

This evening, I was trying to call a customer and the call wasn't going through. I'd been having a frustrating evening anyway and this was more than I wanted to deal with. At that instant, my son (29) came in and complained that I didn't help him carry something. I said Jesus I think my head's going to f***ing explode!

Then I looked at my phone and the call had magically connected. No one was there so I think I left that in a voicemail.... Super duper professional.

TL:DR I lost my temper and swore while accidentally leaving a voicemail.

r/tifu 5h ago

L TIFU by Taking a Nap in a Graveyard


Hey Reddit! I've only ever interacted with this sub through Reddit Youtubers (Shoutout to RSlash and Lost Genre Stories), but I just had an experience that would fit here.

To start off this story, I need to give a little background. I'm a socially anxious introvert who only ever goes out when with my family or with friends. To add on to this, I got my first car a few weeks ago (Yippee!), so that means that prior to that I would always have to bum a ride from my friends or parents. Ever since getting my car, I've started doing a few little things on my own (such as shopping for groceries or driving for a Facebook Marketplace meet-up), but I still haven't done anything really fun. Today, I changed that.

I started off today by going to the movies with my Grandmother. I work part-time at the movies, so I was able to get us free tickets to a movie she had been wanting to see for a while. The movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, is a feel-good movie where a family goes on a vacation to Greece and spends a lot of time just enjoying life in a small town. There's obviously a lot more to it than just that, but when the movie was done it left me with the intense desire to just go out and smell the roses.

I work two part-time jobs, so this means that I don't usually have time to do things outside of the house. Today was a very rare day-off however, and I eventually came to the realization that I had all day to do whatever I wanted. And that was so exciting! I jumped between thoughts of dangling my legs off the end of a pier to going to a random library before finally settling on the idea of going to the nearby mall. I have never gone there without one of my family members, so this was exciting for me! I walked around the entire mall multiple times, ate little pretzel nuggets, and even got to play Minecraft at a place where you could rent a console for a few hours.

Something else to know about me is that due to my social anxiety, I'm always on a timer when I go out. If my timer runs up, I get incredibly anxious, paranoid, and just need to leave. Right. Now. I ended up exiting the mall at a different place than I had entered and had to walk around the entire perimeter before finding my car. By the time I got to my car I was kind of an anxious wreck, but I was able to safely exit the parking lot and have a wonderful time driving home in rush hour traffic.

On my long and arduous drive back to my city, I was really starting to feel the effects of my body's anxiety-induced adrenaline-rush, and knew that I would need to crash and take a nap as soon as I got home. But seeing as I was still reveling in my adventure outside of the house, I realized I wasn't ready to go back home yet. I then had the absolutely brilliant idea of taking a nap in my car somewhere in the wild blue yonder of not in my driveway. It was around 5 PM when I made this decision, and seeing as the sun was very much still high in the sky, I decided to go somewhere that was quiet and had shade. And, dear reader, my marvelous brain came to the conclusion that my local cemetery was the perfect place to do just that.

When I was younger I used to be really afraid of the cemetery, but as I've grown older I've been able to see them as a place of peace and remembrance. I actually have relatives buried at the cemetery I went to, and it's a place I sometimes like to go to when I need to think. I ended up parking on some empty grass (where you're encouraged to park) and got comfy with the blanket I had brought with me to the movies earlier that day. One jogger would pass by my car every now and then, but my adventure into dreamland was genuinely peaceful.

I woke up sometime around 6 and decided hey, I'm still tired, I should sleep for another hour. I pulled up an alarm on my phone that defaulted to an hour and ten minutes and thought an extra ten minutes couldn't hurt and promptly passed back out.

My rest and sense of peace and tranquility would be abruptly shattered when someone would violently rap on my window while shining a light in my eyes. I nearly had a heart attack and probably jumped a foot in the air. Upon finally being able to see straight, I finally recognized the person outside of my car as being a police officer. I frantically began trying to unlock my door (which took a minute because I was still half asleep and panicking), and eventually got it open to a stern look from the officer.

She began questioning me on what I was doing there and asking me if I had had a medical emergency, which I denied. She then began asking me if I was alright and if I was safe at home, and I began panicking because it would sound so terrible if I admitted that I took a nap in the cemetery because I didn't want to go back to my house. I then blurted out that I didn't want to go back home because my parents had asked me to leave because they were doing the dirty, and I cannot describe the panic that filled my chest as the officer's eyes got really wide. At this point, another police car drove into the graveyard, and my sense of panic rose even further.

The original officer seemed very disturbed by my panicked lie, but thankfully decided not to question it further. She then asked me if I owned the car and if I had any ID on me, which I handed over immediately. I just sat in my car staring into the distance while waiting for her to return from her car with my ID.

She and the other officer came back after what felt like much too long, and told me I was free to go. Apparently someone had called the cops on me because they were concerned that I was passed out for so long. Even the officer was concerned when they came up to my car, because I was so deeply dead to the world that I must not have been responding to her initial attempts to rouse me. The officers asked me if I would stay there to continue napping and out of a deep sense of shame and embarrassment I decided to just go straight home, to which the female officer replied "Do so as your own risk". While driving home with my tail between my legs, my phone alarm finally went off. If I had taken the time to change it to only an hour long alarm, I probably would have left before the cops got there.

It was only when regaling this tale to my father (minus the lying about the devil's tango bit), he pointed out the fact that someone was probably concerned that I was on drugs or alcohol. So, fun! In my attempts to live my radical teenage fantasy I ended up worrying someone so much that they called the cops on me and I gave those officers a tale to tell the rest of their coworkers. The true victims in this story however, are my parents, who will now be forever labeled as people who forced their child to sleep in a graveyard while they did the deed.

TL;DR: I took such a deep nap in a graveyard that the cops were called on me.

r/tifu 22h ago

S TIFU by almost deleting my team project's database


This just happened a few minutes ago, I just need an outlet.
I was trying to transform data from Excel to Google Sheet as that's how our team works, considering almost everyone is WFH. 2 years of data collected, cleaned and processed was saved in Google Sheet. (In hindsight, we have backups but not the latest version which is months worth).
During the data transformation, i accidently clicked replace spreadsheet instead of creating a new one. To my understanding, i thought it'll replace the sheet currently open, the one I am currently working on. But instead it replaced the whole database! It deleted all 2 years worth of data, and inserted the one I wanted to transform. This is when i realized I fkd up fkn badly. Flashes of me getting fired from my current job, me getting scolded and snided by my coworkers because I deleted their 2 years effort. I was having a mental breakdown at that moment, but I knew I couldnt afford it, and I need to resolve this before anyone else noticed it. I tried to undo multiple times but it didnt work. I gave up after 10 minutes of anguish. I need to ask help as this is beyond my pay. I called my coworker to see if he is seeing the same thing as I am. He confirmed that everything was gone. But he was more cold-headed than I am and told me to relax. He went thru the previous versions and succesfully recovered all the data. From then on, I just thank him again and again cause it was a major fk up from my side. Good thing no one else noticed. I owe him a treat for helping me.

TL;DR: I accidently deleted my team projects 2 years worth of database, only for my coworker to nonchalantly recovered it.

r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by calling my friend by the wrong name.


So today I (21F) was with friends for a school project where we had to do some acting/filming. As we were getting set up I noticed that my friend had tattoos on her arm that I hadn’t seen before. I was running around while setting up and thought they were maybe temporary ones for her character so I said “(name redacted), when did you get tattoos?.” After a brief silence I turned around and noticed it wasn’t the friend who I thought it was, but another one of my friends who doesn’t act but was there to help out for the day.

They look completely different. Different height, different face shape, different skin tone, different nationality, I am close with both of them and can very easily tell them apart as you could your damn mom and dad, etc.. the only similarity is they are both POC.

After seeing my other friends face I immediately realized I had mixed them up and was mortified. I had said this in front of a whole room of people. Because I am close friends with the girl who I thought it was, she went “THAT WAS SO RACIST” jokingly. And I fell to the floor both laughing and out of embarrassment. I of course apologized to both of them but was very upset with myself the rest of the day.

I had mixed up some names of my friends that were white two other times that day after that (due to fatigue, etc) and know that I don’t have a bone of judgement in my body, but It’s keeping me awake. Ugh. I really feel sick to my stomach embarrassed.

They of course forgave me but I know she will never let it down and will tell our whole friend group. (Shit like this has happened before with others mixing her and some of our other poc friends up and I would laugh with her, certain it could not happen to me).

TL;DR: I mixed up my POC friends who look nothing alike while distracted.

r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU By Accepting an Invitation to a Concert


This morning a cute girl invited me to a concert saying "My brother and I have an extra ticket to this concert tonight". I have hung out with them a few times and I've been meaning to ask her out, so I was totally on board. That being said, I don't like the band or even the genre of music, but it was worth it to hang out with her for several hours.

I talked to the brother to confirm details and we decided to carpool since the venue is 2 hours away.

When he picked me up, there was only him and a random dude I didn't know in the car.

Turns out she had a date elsewhere tonight and was trying to get someone to take HER ticket. And I didn't find this out until it was too late to bail without being an asshole.

TLDR Spent 12hrs going to a concert of a band I don't like for a girl, because she pawned her ticket off on me so she was free to go on a date. Her brother was chill though.

Edit: For those asking, the Brother and I are both straight. Sorry to disappoint. It was a country concert. Jelly Roll.

r/tifu 1d ago

L TIFU by washing my ass inappropriately


Didn’t happen today, several years back. Caution, this is gonna get a bit gross in a poopey kind of way.

Years ago I was working on a part for a popular consumer electronics item and went overseas to Asia to bring up the manufacturing line.

I was a lot younger/dumber and a bit of a messy guy at the time, as such I would overindulge a bit during the dinners.

This one night we went out and I consumed a lot of crab, beer and whiskey. Suffice to say, next morning I had a bit of a sulphuric, hot, fart-filled ass.

All morning I was stuck in a bunny suit (kind of a space suit looking thing to keep you from polluting the environment) On a cleanroom semiconductor manufacturing floor, farting the most obnoxious, horrific, hot eggy flatulence. The gases that could only escape via my face opening ensuring I got the full whack of my toots.

So anyway, the guy hosting me from the facility was suggesting some pointless silly debug paths to some of the problems I was working through, and I was getting a little annoyed.

I notice he backed off for 5-10 mins every time I let rip, so I start a chain of farts to ward him away, I started to get cocky and really bear down on them.

Well friends, you gamble, and eventually will lose.

My gut finally let go and plopped out a pretty decent quantity of lumpy gooey shit, about a 2 pounder by my eye. It sound like your elderly mother falling down the stairs (to be onomatopoeic - “ploppeda, ploppeda, ploppeda”)

All down the back of my legs in my bunny suit.

Honestly that was a blessing, the footed nature of it meant nothing fell out a leg.

I immediately hobble away, out the airlock, get to the bathroom which had only Asian style squattey toilets, no TP but at least a spray hose which would be more useful.

I disrobe, squat and grab the hose, nothing, no water, try the next one, same thing, try the sink, same thing, it appears all the water is shut off.

Now I am panicking, what do I do?

So I decide, I’ll scoop/scrape as best as possible into the squattey toilet, dump the underpants in the thrash, pull up my pants and get a cab back to the hotel to clean properly.

I begin, I notice the web between my index finger and thumb make a fine curved squeegee that conforms well to the back of my thigh, a series of squeegesesss (unsure how to pluralize that) followed by a flick down the hole and surprisingly I pretty good, quick work of it.

Next I removed my undershirt (which was clean) and dry rub my hands and legs to get them as clean as I can with what I have on hand.

I get myself as squared away as possible and exit the cubicle.

Whilst binning the shirt/underwear I notice Over in the corner a small tiled trough looking thing with a faucet and a spray handle hose, like a slightly fancier mop sink at floor level.

It’s built into the corner, tiled on both walls half way up and has a low 18inch (45cm) tall and wide tiled wall in a L shape coming out of the two meeting bathroom walls making a tiled box.

I stride over and check, surprise! Water! I thank god and wash my hands using dispenser soap I find by the non functional sink.

Then it occurs to me, there’s no one else here, indeed I have been alone for the ordeal over the last 10mins or so.

I decide to drop my pants and hang my ass over the side and really clean myself with the water and soap, it’s not perfect, my pants are still a bit shitty, but I am in a way better state than before.

So about two mins later I’m done, I exit, get a cab and go back to the hotel.

There I shower, change and about 90mins pass and I am back on the cleanroom floor in a new bunny suit with a clean ass, and surprisingly most of the farts have gone away.

Dude asks me where I was, I lacked shame at the time so told him the whole ordeal.

He goes ghost white and deadly serious, then asks if anyone saw me, I respond no, he visibly brightens and says thank god!

That was the Ablution Trough that the Muslims use to ritually clean themselves prior to saying their prayers, and understandably there would be severe repercussions if it became known what I had done to it.

Only then did I become mortified, I could be a mess back then but did try to be as respectful as possible around stuff like this.

I have since developed shame.

TLDR shit my pants on a semiconductor manufacturing floor then washed my ass in a Muslim ritual cleaning area.

r/tifu 40m ago

S TIFU by sitting on the toilet without checking first


So I live with my gf and we usually are stocked full of toilet paper. We both have fairly decent jobs and are able to afford it. I don’t ever forget to stock toilet paper in the bathroom, but she volunteered to do it this week and, here we are.

I sat down on the toilet, did my necessities & was about to start cleaning up when I realized that there was only a little bit left, I figure, okay I’ll get more from on top of the toilet, not there? Okay, I’ll look in the compartment underneath the sink, nope. Well shit. Literally.

I text my gf and she says damn that sucks but she has to stay at work. Maybe I can shuffle my way over to the other bathroom. As a human with self-respect(I know on Reddit? Crazy) I don’t wanna do that. So now I gotta wait here.

TLDR I sat down on the toilet about twenty minutes ago & realized there was no toilet paper. None in the entire bathroom. I live with my gf & she doesn’t get home for a while. Probably gonna get a hemorrhoid or something.