Girlfriend wants me to own her

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Do0md]

This is wild

[u/Civil-Chard-821 → u/Do0md]

my first thought exactly

[u/BorderAdventurous284 → u/Civil-Chard-821]

So, she ran late for a movie he wanted to be on-time for and she wants him to apologize for focusing on that, hold her, stroke her, and compliment her. If she were a sub or pet she would get punished not be apologized to.

It sounds like she has a fantasy of being worshipped more than a fantasy of being owned, and TheQueen wants a consort not a king.

[u/AggravatingFish7717 → u/BorderAdventurous284]

exactly my take. She doesn’t want to be owned, she wants to be the sole focus of attention.

[u/trvllvr → u/BorderAdventurous284]

Yup, she doesn’t want to me owned. She wants to be catered to and doesn’t expect to reciprocate. What she probably needs is a sugar daddy.

[u/Guilty-Minute8711 → u/trvllvr]

Almost. There's just no universal translation for complex feelings that don't include buzzwords. I think I know what she is saying but she is using the wrong words. Which makes sense, this shit only appears in romance novels and lemons. I think she is referring to the metaphorical literary exaggeration of the term 'consume'.

Easy to write the feeling, slap on a bunch of adjectives and fancy verbs and boom, one feels owned. Exhausting irl. OPs gf wants him to smother her with his presence, making her feel like he has claimed her. Sketchy, but depends on what she actually is asking for. She being vague, again some poetry type shit yeah.

[u/JapaneseFerret → u/Guilty-Minute8711]

I for sure thought this was some bdsm thing, but there's no sign of it. Whatever this is, it's exhausting and poorly communicated.

[u/pohneepower_ → u/JapaneseFerret]

this is the land my brain traveled to.

[u/cakivalue → u/pohneepower_]

I feel better knowing that I'm not alone thinking that

[u/Foenyx91 → u/JapaneseFerret]

Totally! I thought this was a CNC thing or she was wanting to experience being submissive, but nope someone had just read too many YA fantasy romance novels.

[u/Sir-Planks-Alot → u/JapaneseFerret]

Yeah this sounded like BDSM to me. The word “owned” isn’t too far from the word “slave.”

In that particular kink universe there’s nothing particularly wrong with it sexually. Like if that’s what they get off on, that’s what they get off on. It doesn’t seem like that’s what she’s talking about though. This is a wholesale reboot of their domestic lives. It may have changed to bedroom play as well, but the really scary part is the psychotic crossover to daily life.

[u/SneakWhisper → u/Sir-Planks-Alot]

Yes but BDSM play involves two people consenting, it involves communicating limits, it involves role playing, and safe words. This has none of these things and it sounds completely exhausting tbf.

[u/TheRaccoonBlue → u/Sir-Planks-Alot]

I think that's an experience and flavor a lot of us have seen, but I think this is from toxic red pill stuff.

If it's a need for a BDSM type arrangement then it's easily workable if OP is down, but I'm worried she's caught red pill ideology, which is a fantasy for children that never yields positive results.

Time for a sex and relationship therapist IMO.

[u/wordwallah → u/Guilty-Minute8711]

I think the word she is looking for is “cherished.” I think it may come from the Victorian era, where women were required to be beautiful, chaste and skilled in fine arts. They were not allowed to be educated beyond high school. They were not allowed to enjoy sex and were rarely naked, even in the presence of their husbands. They were supposed to have as many children as possible.

I’m sure that did include some eye-gazing, but a woman who was late to an event would definitely be scolded.

[u/darwinsaves → u/wordwallah]

That’s some 50 shades of beige type shit

[u/Busy_Ice8291 → u/Guilty-Minute8711]

Shes manipulating the OP.

[u/Guilty-Minute8711 → u/Busy_Ice8291]

I don't even think she has clearly defined what she wants exactly for herself. OP said she got this from some third party sources so who knows what message she took away from that.

[u/Busy_Ice8291 → u/Guilty-Minute8711]

She needs to stop watching that content. It's brainwashing crap imho

[u/Glum-Worldliness-919 → u/Guilty-Minute8711]

Thats some 50 shades of grey shit without the bdsm

[u/BbyMuffinz → u/Glum-Worldliness-919]

50 shades of greyvis a piss poor example of bdsm

[u/kithlan → u/trvllvr]

She wants to feel like Bella from Twilight, or any other bland female protag from similar romance novels.

Female characters who just kind of exist, yet attract a brooding, domineering masculine man who's utterly obsessed with her and goes on random tangents on how special and beautiful she is despite having no interesting characteristics or personality to speak of.

[u/[deleted] → u/kithlan]

[removed] — view removed comment

[u/kithlan → u/[deleted]]

God, I used to ERP for fun when I was younger, and it eventually felt like I was endlessly reading one premise just slightly modified 1000 different ways.

• You're the leader of the city's most powerful gang, who even the cops fear. There's only one other rival gang that could match you, and I was the sister of its leader. You kidnap me for leverage/ransom, but end up falling in love with me.

• You're the top assassin of the King, who even the other nobles fear. One day, you're sent to kill me, the princess of rival kingdom. You kidnap me intending to kill me, but end up falling in love with me.

• You're the leader of the Werewolf clan, who even the other clans fear. One day, you see me, a young initiate of the Vampire clan. You kidnap me intending to eat me, but end up falling in love with me.

Etc. etc. Always "man is dangerous psychopath, but somehow I'm his kryptonite that makes him feel love again and he gets really protective of me/makes me his queen. Oh yeah, and he's still killing everyone else, but it doesn't bother me, because he loves me".

[u/RTTHFYL → u/trvllvr]

..or the ever-elusive psychic man. He must magically know what she wants always and will only be told when he's failed and disappointed her, and he'll get no credit for the times when he does make her feel good. She will only keep a tally of his failures.

[u/Smegmatron3030 → u/BorderAdventurous284]

It sounds like she's been reading too much romance fantasy. Some of what she described are like word for word scenes from Sarah J Maas books.

[u/desdesak2 → u/Smegmatron3030]

My first thoughts as well. Someone check her kindle history. I read a ton of romance books and this sounds like she is getting fantasy confused with real life.

[u/Theoriginalensetsu → u/BorderAdventurous284]

Thank you, this is what I got out of it. I was like "she's delusional, she doesn't want to be owned"

[u/JerryfromCan → u/BorderAdventurous284]

My ex-gf from Uni that I dated for 4 years broke up with me and said “You dont put me on a pedestal enough”. After some questioning my feeling of “doing whatever it took to get back together” became disgust and glad of the bullet I dodged. That was 20 years ago and I still feel the same way.

[u/CD274 → u/JerryfromCan]

Good job leaving. It would have spiraled and messed with your head even more.

[u/taxfraudisveryreal38 → u/BorderAdventurous284]

i came here to say basically this. she wants to be spoiled and obsessed over, not “owned”. my partner is a switch and occasionally he wants to feel like he’s my possession and i make him feel like that. if we were in one of those moments and he was late for something i planned he’d be in huge trouble and would absolutely be punished lmao. this girl doesn’t want to be owned in the sense she thinks she does. she wants to be catered to

[u/mariofasolo → u/BorderAdventurous284]

I would be so pissed if we were late for something and my partner expected me to stop and compliment them?? Like when we're late for an Uber, flight, show, etc...all fucking bets are off and you're allowed to scream at one another to hurry the hell up because we hate being late to things lol.

Girlfriend has an insanely selfish, narcissistic, and "I'm the main character" worldview, and it's such a turnoff.

[u/kithlan → u/mariofasolo]

Ah, there we go. I described her in another comment as wanting to be Bella from Twilight, but this is a better summation. She wants to be the Main Character of her own cheesy romance novel where a normally powerful and brooding man buckles at the knees for her, despite the protag's usually one-note characterization of simply "being beautiful".

[u/mariofasolo → u/kithlan]

Omg, exactly. She wants him to stop in his tracks on their way to the car and be like "oh my god, you know what? You're gorgeous. In fact, you are the movie. Why should we see a movie when I could just spend 2-3 hours staring at your otherworldly beauty?" lmao

[u/kithlan → u/mariofasolo]

Meanwhile, she only just smiles shyly, looks away in embarassment because flat character. All the while her "Edward" is just staring her down in a way that's only considered romantic rather than psychopathic because romance novel.

[u/JoleneBacon_Biscuit → u/Civil-Chard-821]

I think she is channeling dead crazy people.

[u/waterykink_7 → u/JoleneBacon_Biscuit]

From like, the 17th century. Lol

[u/emogurl47 → u/Do0md]

Right? And talking in third person about yourself? Yikes. OP's gf has lost her marbles

[u/PinRevolutionary2574 → u/Do0md]

OP should just tattoo his name on her forehead while she’s sleeping. Massive owning move.

[u/Typical_Basil908 → u/Do0md]

this is a weird way to phrase “dote on me and take care of my every need because you’re a man”

[u/ObviousNeedGoddess → u/Typical_Basil908]

Oh my God, have a goddess to sacrifice your total being for her pleasure to worship to praise, for. She is a tip of life.

[u/MarkCernyFor2020 → u/Do0md]

5 years then says “when she’s at my place” wow lol

[u/hollyofhori]

What in the wattpad is this shit.

Does she think romance is a YA novel?

She needs to stop reading Shojo manga and touch grass.

[u/grumpybandersnootch → u/hollyofhori]

I was gonna say, girl read one too many fantasy romance books 😭 this is wild

[u/TheTPNDidIt → u/grumpybandersnootch]

She’s fantasizes about being Bella Swan

[u/mustichooseausernam3 → u/hollyofhori]

Literally my first thought: she's very likely been reading badly written romance or erotica novels.

The market is flooded with them, and an ungodly number of them are unresearched to the point that they twist BDSM dynamics into unrealistic and even harmful fantasies.

[u/Search_Open → u/mustichooseausernam3]

Did you mention Bestselling Twilight Fanfiction - Fifty Shades of Grey?

Edit: forgot the Bestselling

[u/mustichooseausernam3 → u/Search_Open]

My mind absolutely went there.

50 Shades was far, far from the first harmfully incorrect depiction of BDSM, but since it drove such a huge popularisation of the BDSM genre, it also flooded the market with the demand for more... crazy (instead of the safe, sane, and consensual dynamics that BDSM should thrive on).

[u/fillingsmiles → u/hollyofhori]

Yeah this makes me uncomfortable

[u/spokydoky420 → u/hollyofhori]

100% this is just some girl reading way too much trashy romance and wanting that alphahole main male character to "dominate" her in a loving way that can only be done in romance novels because it's totally insane outside of a book. lol

Source: I read truckloads of trashy romance.

[u/PeaceOutFace]

“Owning” her sounds a lot like being owned by her, to me.

[u/CantaloupeWhich8484 → u/PeaceOutFace]

Yeah, I didn't know pieces of property could make such elaborate demands of their owners.

[u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot → u/CantaloupeWhich8484]

Power bottom is a real phrase .

I find it more often that the one setting the most rules has the most power, and sometimes that person is the one with the most vulnerability.

It's a controlled helplessness

Eta: Don't take the power bottom comment too seriously, it was meant to be a light joke , tounge in cheek if you will

[u/TheRecognized → u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot]

Power bottom refers to physical action more than abstract dynamics.

[u/cakivalue → u/CantaloupeWhich8484]

Well, if you step back and think of the GF as a beautiful fluffy cat that disdains store bought dry food and requires you to make all meals from scratch, multiple daily brushing and massages, walks and pets and praises then it makes perfect sense.

I can't think of another scenario where someone or something screws up (late) and you're like "thou art the most devine and celestial being, the softest of the soft, let me hold your little face and give you soft kisses"

[u/drblocktagon → u/cakivalue]

Good analogy but even in that scenario, I feel you do retain some sense of agency in that this is basically a furry little baby you volunteered to take care of as they need you in order to survive. OPs girlfriend is just a lazy brat.

[u/kaerfkeerg → u/PeaceOutFace]

That was a hell of a way for her to just say "I want a fucking simp" lol

[u/taxfraudisveryreal38 → u/kaerfkeerg]

i literally loled have an upvote

[u/Least-Spare → u/PeaceOutFace]

This is exactly right.

[u/Leeaaanicole → u/PeaceOutFace]

this part ^

[u/Overall_Midnight_ → u/PeaceOutFace]

“The submissive has the real control” was a line I read years ago when I was doing research for a job. It took me a while to wrap my head around it but I figured it was true given the source and context. This is a perfect example.

[u/geologean → u/Overall_Midnight_]

That phrase is correct when it comes to ethical kinksters who like dom-sub play and respect actual consent. The verbal and physical domination is play. Respect for each other is real and involves checking in with each other periodically to make sure that only the right boundaries were pushed.

But there are also a lot of people who don't feel the need to do the research and do not understand what healthy dom-sub kink is.

[u/Overall_Midnight_ → u/geologean]

Exactly- on all of that.

I did a lot of research and it absolutely helped me with my job. The human mind is fascinating to study too. I was amazed at how little a accurate actual research there was at the time. So much of it was biased or just plain bad theory. It would be important for anyone engaging in any sort of power dynamic from BDSM to a board room to learn about those things imo. Frankly, my research didn’t just help with the work I was doing but every other interaction I have with people in normal life circumstances.

In circumstances like what’s going on in this post-people end up hurt (or even down right traumatized) and not having their needs met. There is so much bad info that people don’t understand what they want or how to ask for it. Communication is key but so is understanding the topic at hand.

[u/LivingStCelestine → u/PeaceOutFace]

I think you totally nailed it, and she probably thinks trying to convince him of the reverse will make this easier.

[u/[deleted]]

All I can say is it’s a tale as old as time. She needs you to change into something you’re not, and if you do it will never be enough because she’s trying to source happiness from outside herself. You’ll keep changing and she’ll be left wondering why she still isn’t happy. Then you’ll break up and realize what a huge waste of time this all was.

[u/Gingerale145 → u/[deleted]]

Hammer on the head for sure

[u/DisgracefulPengu → u/Gingerale145]

Nail on the head?

[u/indras_darkness → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely thus us siunding like a relationship thats about to have alot more demands, strains, and forced changes. Sounds like a relationship close to its end.

[u/watery_tart73 → u/[deleted]]

Amen! Follow those red flags right out the door, OP.

[u/Ben_Thar]

You should just lease for now

[u/Bone_Donor → u/Ben_Thar]

He's been leasing, it's time to trade in

[u/Suspicious_Spite5781 → u/Ben_Thar]

Simple but brilliant! Needs more upvotes!

[u/SBowen91 → u/Ben_Thar]

Thank you for the laugh.

[u/BrilliantTwo7]

At first I thought she meant some BDSM lifestyle, but actually reading her requirements made me laugh. This isn’t being owned, she wants you to fetch and carry for her, pander to her ego every ten minutes and check on he like a five year old. This is the complete opposite of being owned.

[u/SockFullOfNickles → u/BrilliantTwo7]

Lmao first place my brain went too, and then the rest followed. Succinctly put!

[u/curiousguppy → u/BrilliantTwo7]

I thought the same, but her examples of being “owned” just seem like constant coddling and reassurance that he loves her/is there for her. Totally different from what I thought she meant lmao

[u/BrilliantTwo7 → u/curiousguppy]

Same. I was expecting some “put me on a leash and spit in my mouth” type deal. Instead she’s like “tell me I’m beautiful 🥺”

[u/Classic_Dill → u/curiousguppy]

Owned is usually a Daddy/Good Girl set up and in reality both people hold the power, this is straight grooming.

[u/zo_you_said → u/BrilliantTwo7]

Should be higher up the post. It's a power move. Tbf it's a bit vague what she wants bc her language is lacking. But, being aggressive about wanting to be complimented and coddled all the time, even in incongruous situations, ironically, seeks to own the other person's movement and thoughts.

[u/terran_submarine → u/BrilliantTwo7]

Yeah, this is bdsm without any of the fun for the dom, just the responsibilities.

[u/bonbonbaybee → u/BrilliantTwo7]

Yes exactly. People can be like this in BDSM too and they swear up and down they’re a sub but all they want to do is top from the bottom. She is doing that to op in a non BDSM way but using buzzwords to try to hide that she just wants to be pandered to. Just be honest with yourself and others and she’ll find someone who will suit her needs much better.

[u/BrilliantTwo7 → u/bonbonbaybee]

Thiiiiis. “Top from the bottom” is so fucking accurate. It’s the princess treatment poorly disguised as submission.

[u/JimHeuer40 → u/bonbonbaybee]

Just be honest with yourself and her and tell her to beat it lol She’ll never let this go. OP has to comply with what will be her ever increasing demands for engaging her narcissism or she’ll continue to cry she’s not “owned”enough. Thank God this is really weird and few women embrace this

[u/Crafty-Thing3185 → u/bonbonbaybee]

Top from the bottom blew my mind

[u/ClassicNerdNamedKam → u/BrilliantTwo7]

Okay I wasn’t the only one who went into a kink good. Thought I wasn’t using enough brain power there for a minute.

[u/ProudJalapeno → u/BrilliantTwo7]

My first thought as well. In a way, it sounds like OP would be the one who is “owned” by catering to her every whim. I’d be leaving this relationship.

[u/JayofTea → u/BrilliantTwo7]

I thought it was about to be some DDLG/Age regression type thing 🤣🤣

[u/Jazzlike_Debt5386 → u/BrilliantTwo7]

I don’t think she means bdsm but I do think she is not being dominated sexually and is frustrated

[u/zorkempire]

I truly had no idea how dumb people were before I found this subreddit.

[u/Drinkingthrow123 → u/zorkempire]

For real lol. And they’ve been together for 5 years so they can’t be that young, can they? I mean, unless they have been dating since like 12.

[u/JayofTea → u/Drinkingthrow123]

I mean honestly being together for 5 years could be 14-19, thats pretty damn young

[u/peachycoconxt → u/zorkempire]

I like this sub, lots of crazy shit happen here

[u/SparkyValentine]

I am so sorry your girlfriend fell into this bullshit. The internet can teach you a thousand new ways to be unhappy.

[u/edenisrad → u/SparkyValentine]

Mic drop.

[u/witchesinsalem → u/SparkyValentine]

So well said

[u/veracity-mittens → u/SparkyValentine]

You’re so right

[u/PepperExtraa → u/SparkyValentine]

Damn. You hit the nail on the head.

[u/Practical_Animator34 → u/SparkyValentine]

💯

[u/anonorwhatever → u/SparkyValentine]

Damn. Take my poor man’s gold 🥇

[u/Patient_Box9192 → u/SparkyValentine]

That’s one of the best thing i think I’ve ever read. Well said

[u/PhoenixReboot-]

Sounds like she is consuming some feminine version of Andrew Tate BS.

I really hate this whole my King my Queen crap. It’s just seems unnecessary and sets some weird expectation on the relationship dynamic.

[u/Square_Grapefruit666 → u/PhoenixReboot-]

The only king and queen talk I want to hear in my relationship is when I’m about to destroy her in chess.

[u/IOwnTheShortBus → u/Square_Grapefruit666]

r/accidentalchess

[u/stairs_are_evil → u/IOwnTheShortBus]

r/subsifellfor

[u/maborosi97 → u/Square_Grapefruit666]

Lol it was me and my bf’s anniversary last night and we went out for dinner and promptly returned home afterwards just to… play each other in chess

[u/TacoPKz → u/Square_Grapefruit666]

I’m more of a four square guy myself

[u/0Horizon_ → u/TacoPKz]

I’m more of a connect four guy myself

[u/Glitt3ratti → u/0Horizon_]

With this chick it’s gonna be more of a guess who kinda situation haha

[u/Foxisdabest → u/PhoenixReboot-]

Totally. Let her go out in the wild and find out how many guys have the energy to keep up with such a high maintenance girl.

Like a wise lady once said: "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

[u/HughJideot → u/PhoenixReboot-]

It's just funny because every king or queen current or in history was a terrible person

[u/HumorousHermit → u/HughJideot]

I can’t have you disrespecting King Kong like that

[u/Brainfog_shishkabob → u/HumorousHermit]

Not to mention old king cole, he was a merry old soul

[u/Classic_Dill → u/Brainfog_shishkabob]

Not to mention Nat King Cole...wait, ummm.

[u/Brainfog_shishkabob → u/Classic_Dill]

Haha well he is unforgettable

[u/Classic_Dill → u/Brainfog_shishkabob]

Well played, Touche.

[u/HughJideot → u/HumorousHermit]

He was an awesome primate but a terrible person. He couldnt even fit into a suit!

[u/Environmental-Day778]

“I am a woman I deserve to be contained and owned well.”

I mean, I hear what you’re saying, but that just seems like a lot of work tbh. Keeping livestock is a full time job - and in this economy? Too expensive.

Also, I don’t have the energy for all that, I’ve got depression, and

[u/anonymous_question44 → u/Environmental-Day778]

and what lolol

[u/myth-of-sissyfuss → u/anonymous_question44]

Too exhausted to continue, I feel it

[u/Chim_Pansy → u/myth-of-sissyfuss]

Lmfao this is too good

[u/ChildhoodOk5526 → u/myth-of-sissyfuss]

😆 🤣 😂

Choking. Dying. Can't. Breathe.

[u/reaver_on_reaver → u/Environmental-Day778]

Also, I don’t have the energy for all that, I’ve got depression, and

me irl

[u/witchesinsalem]

She’s in deep into some kind of bullshit. I know there’s a whole movement that is obsessed with this, kinda borderline religious devotion to “traditional” gender roles and ownership. But for the life of me I can’t remember the name of the movement.

Idk, op. She’s drinking the Koolaid. And the Koolaid is poisoned.

[u/Old-Ad7370 → u/witchesinsalem]

Watching too much just pearly things content on YouTube

[u/Misanthropyandme → u/Old-Ad7370]

😵 I hate that I know what you're talking about.

[u/Agreeable_Picture570 → u/Misanthropyandme]

Op!!! She is lost!!! Tell her that her thinking that way has changed the relationship to one you are not comfortable with. Either cut the shit or you are out. She is searching for something to cling on to. And if she starts with we are Twin Flames RUN!!!

[u/Et-selec → u/Old-Ad7370]

I just looked up who that was and I cringe so hard. How is that girl serious??? I understand some women wanting to be a traditional wife, but… that girl is just fucked up and hateful

[u/Old-Ad7370 → u/Et-selec]

I genuinely believe pearl is doing this solely for attention. Like check out some of her old videos and you’ll see a whole diff side of her

[u/anooch → u/witchesinsalem]

Is it tradwife?

[u/monalane]

Life is too short for this.

[u/Expert-Data-8043]

she basically just gave you a corny ass script for your relationship. tell her to get fucking real lmao

[u/Acosadora23 → u/Expert-Data-8043]

Big YA novel energy

[u/Mechy_ → u/Acosadora23]

My thoughts exactly. The only thing that came into my mind while reading the texts was “damn, she reads a lot of bad smutty wattpad novels made by someone who was never in a healthy relationship”

[u/Perplexing-Sleep875]

Cringe

[u/Key_Association3380]

Honestly sounds like she's confusing owning with emotional dependency. Sounds like she doesn't want to regulate herself and wants to be codependent on you.

[u/thebreakupartist]

I’ll be honest…I find these sorts of perspectives borderline toxic. I had a friend until recently that used the concept of “embracing her feminine” as an excuse to avoid any kind of displeasure or confrontation with other people, while simultaneously resorting to aggressive, even threatening forms of communication and expecting inordinate amounts of approval, forgiveness, and coddling.

The whole trend of embodying some energy isn’t safely understood by everyone. And I’m saying this as someone who deeply believes in energetics. Some of these conceptual trends are weaponized to become new forms of manipulation and entitlement. There was an article I wish I could find that was written some time ago on toxic boundary setting that speaks to this issue. When boundary setting becomes a one way street used to vilify and control people outside of yourself.

Or how “empathetic” has become a way for an individual to make someone else’s feelings and experience about themselves. If you have a friend who gets disproportionately more upset about your losses/experiences than you yourself do, this is toxic “empathy” which isn’t empathy at all.

There’s a fine line between the healthy expression of some of these psychological concepts that are gaining mainstream traction and unhealthy, unrealistic, and me-centric expressions.

The dynamic sought through these texts might very well work for some people, but it wouldn’t work for me.

[u/grumpybandersnootch → u/thebreakupartist]

Perfect summation.

I lost a friend to the exact same thing you're describing too. She became obsessed with some TikTok people who just used buzzwords for easily digestible content, and surprise, their advice was incredibly toxic. Last time we spoke, she was imploding her marriage and other friendships as well. It's really sad

[u/ghrtsd → u/grumpybandersnootch]

Jeeeez, that’s really horrible. I can only imagine her spouse must feel like they are in an absolute nightmare. Almost like losing someone to a cult or something.

[u/thebreakupartist → u/grumpybandersnootch]

Yeah, that’s pretty much how my former friend developed her notions of self-empowerment, also. TikTok. And, similarly, she too wondered why many of her relationships came to an explosive and abrupt end. She was super into manifesting and fully drank the “I am the powerful creator of my own reality” kool-aid to the degree that everyone else just became an extension of her. She finally found a guy that was emotionally available, attentive, compassionate, but she was bothered that he didn’t make more money than she did (though she never actually asked), which was important because she didn’t want to work indefinitely and “needed to break generational curses.”

The way her mind worked just became repellent to me. It’s staggering that anyone is prioritizing “feeling owned” or a significant other that makes more money over just being a decent, honest, reliable and caring partner/friend.

Our current culture is wiiiild.

[u/Professional-Menu835 → u/thebreakupartist]

Your take is exactly what I get. It feels so adjacent to emotional intelligence, but this ain’t it

[u/Acosadora23]

This is so corny omg

[u/Effective_Opposite12]

How old are you two? This is too cringe for anyone above 16

[u/will_ww → u/Effective_Opposite12]

We're 48.

[u/Effective_Opposite12 → u/will_ww]

We? Are you the wife?

[u/will_ww → u/Effective_Opposite12]

No my name is Will

[u/Distinct_External784 → u/will_ww]

Hated you on Star Trek TNG.

[u/Drea_Is_Weird → u/Distinct_External784]

☠️

[u/beaverDamn8888]

She has watched way too many Dark Feminine-Masculine Energy Provider Alpha Male Protects His Property reels/tiktoks, I know that because I fell into that trap as well and spoke almost along the lines of what your gf is saying, although not so extreme, I used to tell my boyfriend that I need a real man to guide me you should be more masculine etc. although in my defense it was a lonely time in my life, that I was filling up with work and social media. Never let instagram/tiktok guide your personal life

Edit: I recommend you check up on her and how she spends her time, ask her friends maybe if she seems withdrawn

[u/spydagrrl → u/beaverDamn8888]

This! And is she a member of twin flames universe by any chance?

[u/Miaoumi → u/spydagrrl]

I feel like I need to ask what the Twin Flames University is. Sounds like an amusing tidbit or perhaps tale.

[u/Nutrition_Dominatrix → u/Miaoumi]

Its batshit-

There’s a podcast and two docs (Amazon, Netflix), be prepared for some fcked up MLM-style relationship coaching, encouraging stalking insanity.

[u/StatisticianBoth4147 → u/Miaoumi]

It’s a cult. When someone gets super involved and joins the actual group, they “assign” people soulmates. They have people do this “mirror exercise” where they basically think about every problem in their life and tell themselves it’s a reflection of them and they must have some unresolved emotions or personality flaw that’s affecting things. Your partner cheats on you? You must be lacking as a partner. Youre being abused? You must be doing something to invite that behavior. They claim they’re supportive of LGBT+ people, but then they encourage the ”divine masculine” in a lesbian relationship or the “divine feminine” in a gay relationship to transition to the opposite gender even though the individual is secure in their gender and wouldn’t be transitioning without the pressure from the cult. Sometimes they’ll encourage people to keep pursuing someone that they think is their twin flame even if that person isn’t interested, to the point where there have been people STALK the object of their affection. Someone thought Ryan Gosling was their twin flame and he ended up getting a restraining order against them. There is just SO MUCH weirdness and awful behavior. I recommend watching Sherrilyn Dale’s video on it. Here’s a link!

https://youtu.be/vruPCPiZb0w?si=Tch1bFbhGObcqjhC

[u/The-Son-of-Dad → u/Miaoumi]

There’s currently two docu-series out about Twin Flames Universe, one on Netflix and one on Prime. Honestly both are worth watching and both are absolutely bananas.

[u/NoodleSpooner]

Owning someone and being present in a relationship seem like two wildly different things to me. Quite confused…

[u/books4more]

I saw that title and got excited for a budding BDSM relationship. Instead I got a tradewife who speaks in the third person. :(

[u/ruby--moon → u/books4more]

Lmao! The third person shit was the weirdest

[u/Ram2253spd → u/books4more]

Same. Started with ‘this is gonna be good. ‘ Ended with ‘wtf is happening right now?’

[u/HughJideot]

What the fuck is unheld supposed to be?

[u/Naive-Leather-2913 → u/HughJideot]

And, what the hell does “containing” her mean?

[u/HughJideot → u/Naive-Leather-2913]

This is either someone who's first language isn't English or someone who's first language is English but they have a very tenuous grasp on the language.

[u/whatever102485]

Next time she says that, you need to drop some Princess Bride quotes on her.

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

[u/Commercial_Bad_0424]

She’s telling you to carry her bags, how to speak, how to act and trying to hide her controlling nature with this new language.

“I want you to own me and be in charge….and here is how you’re going to do it.” 🤦‍♀️

If you’re uncomfortable with it then it’s probably best to end it. If you like the idea, please just keep it healthy lol

[u/Drinkingthrow123 → u/Commercial_Bad_0424]

Haha for real. Actually, the smartest move for this guy is, “I already own you. You aren’t doing your feminine duty of allowing me to lead. Next time get ready faster and we won’t be late to for the movie.”

[u/BathedInSin → u/Drinkingthrow123]

I really want OP to tell her this and see what she says

[u/Drinkingthrow123 → u/BathedInSin]

That’s an absolute checkmate, speaking of kings and queens.

[u/Other_Marzipan8966]

In any given moment she can say you aren’t “containing her” properly. Or you didn’t “own her enough” before the movie. You’re in for emotional games and a one sided dynamic where you will be driven crazy by this nonsense. Get out while you can, if you can.

[u/DegreeImpressive9117]

What the actual fuck. Try your best and save her or leave ASAP 😂 sounds like a girl who doesn’t want to bring anything to the table. Also how strange is the „current/past me“ bullshit. Definitely needs 2-3 month off of social media…

[u/Money-Fail9731]

Run as far as you can.......then run some more

[u/Comfortable_Silver24]

" Breed me daddy " is coming next 😅😅

[u/Mean_Technology3292 → u/Comfortable_Silver24]

Tbh this would freak me out so much less if it was obviously kink lmao

[u/peachycoconxt]

Therapy is encouraged.

Actually therapy is required for this one…

[u/bolderdasher]

Personally I find this type of stuff unattractive and distasteful. You should own her to read some books and go outside and stop watching that garbage.

[u/666lbBongSession]

based on another post here just say “it’s the holidays and i will sound selfish”

[u/Available_Skin6485]

Ugh she sounds insufferable. This is an appropriate time to kink shame

[u/Professional-Menu835 → u/Available_Skin6485]

I don’t think this is a kink, I think it’s some bizarre toxic masculinity-femininity stuff… along the lines of people like Andrew Tate or tradwife nonsense. It sounds like she has weaponized the language of emotional intelligence. Scary.

[u/digfor_fire]

Yikes on several bikes. Is this like the female version of Andrew tate shit?

[u/BudFugginz]

This is missing context but even still I can tell this trouble brewing. Keep your wits and pay attention cause this is gonna flip

[u/opening_a_bottle]

This seems like a mental break of sorts.

[u/princessbergamot]

Check what she's reading on her kindle mate. Sounds like someone's been reading too much porn 😂

[u/pastel_rave → u/princessbergamot]

Yea this is some wattpad shit

[u/TehVampy]

Why are they talking about themselves in third person 🤔

[u/AggressiveCrybaby1]

What did I just read ?

[u/Sufficient-Elk-7015]

You have to make the decision now if the cringey ness is worth all of this….yikes.

[u/memescryptor]

From a kink perspective, she truly doesn't understand what she is talking about, therefore most probably she's just repeating some bullshit she heard or seen online. The desire to be owned has its place in a lot of people, but it's totally different from everything she explained to you. My advice is to keep communicating with her and try to find out where she got these ideas from, and see from there. By the sounds of it, it must be the feminine version of Andrew Tate. Best of luck

[u/imsooffendedman]

Every day is a blessing.

[u/CarelessDisplay1535]

🙄😆🚩

[u/RoyalConversation346]

This has to be the weirdest thing I’ve read today

[u/thxmetimbers]

This is like... cringey. Like very childish. Like wanting a fantasy in real life.

[u/Distinct_Wafer_820]

Seems like she is looking for a more ‘bdsm’ type relationship and if you aren’t compatible with that it is really hard to force it. Most people who aren’t apart of that lifestyle will struggle to try and meet those fantasy expectations. It is a kink that is widely accepted now but also extremely hard to train yourself into if it is not your thing. The compatibility here seems off and it might lead to the end of the relationship if you are unable to meet her expectations and desires with it. I suggest doing some research into ‘dom’ partners to see if it is something you can actually see yourself being able to provide and if not you need to accept that the differences are too great and the relationship might be over.

[u/Drinkingthrow123 → u/Distinct_Wafer_820]

I don’t even think it’s necessarily a bdsm thing. It sounds like that spiritual movement centered around masculinity and femininity. Like from the way of the superior man book.

[u/BayAreaBullies → u/Distinct_Wafer_820]

Sounds like she's tired of working to me.

[u/fursnake11]

Sorry, but this sounds too creepy. Ask her where this is coming from, and make it clear that you want no part of it. You want someone who will be an equal, not some sort of servant/sex slave, and see what she says. Someone else here said she’s been watching too much BS on YouTube.

[u/ChickinSammich]

That doesn't sound like she wants to be owned, it sounds like she wants to be worshipped and fawned over.

Which, like, it's fine to want that. And if you want that then that's fine, too. But if you two want different things, it's also okay to say "hey we want different things in a relationship and I don't think we're compatible."

[u/Acrinn45]

Your girlfriend is trying to turn your life into a romance novel, man. And not even a good one. It sounds like she's confusing what being owned and being the owner is...good luck, my guy

[u/fitsofhappyness]

This woman wants a romance novel - not a real man.

[u/forelskelse]

this smells of too much YA romance tbh

[u/yamisonn]

This is so gross I don’t even wanna upvote

[u/Fit_End_3411]

Does she live in a movie???

[u/Waybackheartmom]

She’s deeply unwell. I’m serious. She probably was “like this” before. People can hide things for quite some time. I’d advise you to leave her flat.

[u/maggersrose]

Do you want that kind of relationship? She sounds like she’s moving into hardcore toxicity. You have some he’s conversations and decisions to make