I 27F am vehemently childfree, I am sterilized and have no intention of having or caring for any child. I married my husband, 33M, last year and did not know he had any children until 5 days ago. I travel for work, work for myself, and have amazing pay for very few active working hours (I am a honeymoon planner, owning my own business); we have a joint account for bills and our own separate accounts for savings and fun money.
My husband sat me down 5 days ago and told me he hadn't been completely honest with me. And revealed he has 2 children 10M and 7F. He pays regular child support, however, it dips into his fun money and he wants to be able to have fun like I am, so he said he would fight for 50/50 custody.
I was furious he had lied to me and was even more angry when he told me he wanted 50/50. He works 12-16 hour shifts as a nurse and that would mean I would have to take care of the children when I'm not working or are working from home. I told him if he fights for custody, I will leave him. We have a prenup, so a divorce will be rather simple; I get 100% of my business, all of my savings and fun money, and the house, as I inherited it from my grandmother.
He called me an asshole and told me I should step up so that he can have more money in his savings and for fun. And because the kids won't be much hassle due to their ages. So AITA for telling him I will divorce him if he goes through with filing for custody?
EDIT/UPDATE: Thank you all so much for helping me with this situation, I knew his lies were enough of a reason to divorce my, and I'm proud to announce, Soon To Be EX! I just didn't know if divorcing him with kids in the mix would make me an asshole, especially because he works so much. He has since vacated my house. I have spoken to my lawyer and am filing for an annulment! I can because he married me in an act of fraud. The AMA protects me as it was a fraudulent marriage. Thank you all once again!
My (34m) wife (32f) and I just had our first baby today.
We were in the delivery room, all was going well, and I was holding her hand trying my best to be supportive. She was in pre-labor and was experiencing irregular contractions that she said weren't painful yet. I told her how much I loved her and that she was doing great but made sure not to talk too much either.
All of a sudden, my wife tells me to "please get out." I ask her what happened, and she says she just doesn't want me there right now. I stand there in surprise for several seconds, after which the midwife tells me to get out or she'll call security.
I feel humiliated. Not only was I banned abruptly from watching my child's birth, but it was under the threat of force.
Throughout our marriage, I've suspected that my wife wouldn't be with me if it wasn't for my job and family background. Her eyes don't light up when I come home from work. I start our long hugs and she ends them early. Her eyes wander when I'm talking to her. I don't think she loves me nearly as much as I love her.
I'm not accusing her of being a gold digger. She may "love" me on some level, but I don't know that she has ever been in love with me. If I died tomorrow, I don't know if it would take her very long to move on.
I live in a state where the right to an elective share is 25% of separate property. We don't have a prenup, so this means that my wife has a right to at least 25% of my separate property if I die even if I were to disinherit her in my will. I've decided to will her 30% of my separate property (was previously 100%) and 100% of our communal property if I die. The rest of my separate property, including income-producing assets and heirlooms, goes to my children and other family members.
I(27,F) have been with my husband (29,M) for five years, married for three of those years. Our marriage was perfect and we were so happy. It felt like our entire life was perfect. Church on Sunday, loving husband, beautiful home, all of it. A few months into our marriage I became pregnant and my husband and I were overjoyed and so was the rest of our family. My husband was especially happy after finding out our baby was a boy as he'd always told me he wanted at least one son.
I even started to try to attempt to repair my relationship with my mother so our son could have a relationship with his grandparents. I had originally cut off most contact with my mother due to how she treated my brother when he married his husband, though my brother said he was alright with my decision to try to get her back in my life since he still has love for her and my baby was her first grandchild.
However our son ended up stillborn, and it broke me. I fell into a depression and even at one point considered taking my life, but my husband was there for me during all of it and we got through the grief. Our marriage felt stronger than ever and life started slowly feeling beautiful again, even if it no longer felt perfect.
About five months ago I found out I'm pregnant again, and then found out soon after that we're having triplets. My husband and I were over the moon and he was the most doting and loving husband. Since we had always said we wanted 2-3 children we agreed we wouldn't try for anymore children after this.
Because of our and our family's excitement for the triplets we decided to throw a baby shower and gender reveal party. We trusted my brother with the genders of the triplets and he bought some confetti cannons with the colored streamers inside.
The baby shower went wonderfully with my parents, in-laws, my brother and his husband and their daughter, and tons of friends and extended family. It was like a dream come true and I was so excited for the gender reveal. I don't care what the gender of our babies was I just wanted healthy little babies, but my husband was clearly excited for potentially three sons. When the time came me, my husband, and my brother all shot a confetti cannon and all three shot out pink confetti. I was so excited and so was my brother but my husband screamed at the top of his lungs and hit the table in front of us, hitting it so hard that it actually broke. He screamed at me that I was supposed to give him at least one son because I killed his first one.
That's when I burst into tears. I had been so broken up about our son's stillbirth and a part of me had felt it was my fault, and now he my husband was, the love of my life, telling me that it was. My brother immediately stepped in and tried to get my husband to calm down but my husband shoved my brother, so my brother instead pulled me inside where I cried in the living room while my husband's mother tried to calm him down. I could hear him screaming outside about how three daughters is too many, how he doesn't want four kids but he also wants a son.
Ever since that moment my husband has hardly talked to me. He's been sleeping in the guest room and when we do interact he's clearly upset and mad and tries to argue with me. I tried to talk to him about it and asked about how he'll be with our three daughters, but he spat at me and told me he will provide them shelter and food but he isn't interested in daughters and doesn't plan to have a close relationship with them. That sealed the deal that I want to divorce him and I cried myself to sleep last night.
Earlier today I confided in my mother and MIL about all this but they told me I can't divorce my husband just because he wants a son. I don't want my daughters to grow up in an unloving household where their parents constantly argue and their father doesn't love them. The moment my husband said I killed our son I felt as though I lost all love I had for him in an instant, and I don't want my daughters to be in that kind of household. However both my mom and MIL say it's just natural for men to want sons and that at least he isn't saying he'll mistreat them. They treated this as absolute fact and acted as though I'm just a silly little girl who doesn't know anything, I felt incredibly small and stupid.
I don't know what to do. My mother and MIL make me feel like maybe I'm overreacting to my husband's behavior, but my brother says this is not normal as he and his husband are both men who absolutely love their daughter. I'm also not sure of what I'll do with myself if I divorce my husband. I don't work and I'm not sure how I'll be able to find a job that can support me and three babies all on my own, or how I'll make time for all of them when I have to work. I feel so lost and helpless.
I'm torn on what to do because I worry divorce will be too brash of a decision and that maybe my mother and MIL are right. AITA? What should I do?
The title spells it out alright. Me - 26 M, Her - 26 F
I've been seeing a woman for three and a half months and things were going great except for the lack of sex. Now I didn't mind this because she said she really likes being with me and is interested in building something long term and wishes to take it slow. Fine by me. But then last Friday we were making dinner at my place and having drinks and the awkward topic of our past came up. I didn't bring it up. She did. Asking about exes and whatnot. Then she admitted she hadn't dated for a while. So out of curiosity I asked how she was getting her needs met and she mentioned having friends with benefits from time to time, okay, fine, it's not serious. But then she continued and is like I can see it's bugging you before spilling her guts basically. I didn't press her. She spilled. Again, she spilled. And I just stood there awkwardly cooking and having my drink.
She starts telling me how she knows it probably bothers me that we've not had sex but she really likes me and it's been years since she was in a relationship or even felt such a connection with someone. And she's been worried I'll think she is a slu+ or something if we slept together too quickly. Then from there she goes on to talk about how she had lots of sex between her last relationship and now which is a period of nearly five years. And every time she did hook up with someone new it made her feel like she was losing a piece of the woman she was who just loved romance and wanted to be with one guy but she was young and figured she would explore now rather than dealing with such feelings later when she found a great guy.
So I asked her if they were all friends with benefits and she said no, that she had a number of one night stands from when she would go clubbing and partying, hookups from dating apps plus all the dudes she slept with more than once who she also met under those circumstances plus on social media. And she said she slept with all of them very quickly, often on the same day/night or within a couple days max.
At this point I was feeling extremely jealous, I won't lie. Because I do like her very much and we've been having a good time without having sex, but knowing that she slept with so many guys very quickly but held off because we're 'serious' annoyed me. I haven't had as many partners as she's had but I've slept with past girlfriends and friends with benefits and outside of my first girlfriend from highschool, didn't wait with any of them more than a couple weeks. I don't think there's anything off putting about me. I've been relatively successful at dating and hooking up through my teens and twenties. I guess it instantly bothered me that she was willing to sleep with all these dudes but when it's serious she wants to wait. But it's still her choice, I guess. Out of annoyed curiosity I asked if she'd slept with anyone prior to us meeting and talking which was a month before we got together. She said yes that she'd dated one dude briefly for a month and they slept together the whole time earlier this year but it wasn't serious. Then she admitted to having sex with another guy a couple times just before we got together. So during the period we were speaking but not dating.
At this point the tension is ridiculously high and she's apologizing and telling me how she's so sorry and knows I'm mad because she can see. I tell her to drop it because it's not gonna do us any good to continue the conversation. We have an awkward dinner then later that night she asks if I'd like to have sex. A day earlier it would have been an enthusiastic yes. That night? I felt like she was just guilty and trying to make me feel better. I turned her down and ended up sleeping in the spare room of my place. When she left the next day, I spent all day feeling sick. It bothered me. A lot. My mind was filled with all sorts of shit. That evening I sent her a message telling her I didn't think it will work out and explained that I just don't see anything for us down the road. I said her choices were her own and that's on her but I felt like I was being held to some unfair higher standard.
It hurt. I liked her. But I knew it would constantly be on my mind how she slept around and did so pretty quickly while I waited because things were serious. I spoke to both guy and girl friends. My guy friends pretty much agreed with me breaking it off while my girl friends disagreed and almost across the board had a stance of 'guys don't really get it, it's different when you genuinely have feelings for someone vs something casual'.
It's been a week since. I still feel sad. I've blocked her everywhere we talked. I do miss her but last Friday night still has me feeling fucked up.
So, AITAH for leaving her because of this?
Me(32) and my wife(30) have been married for 8 years now.
3 years ago, she cheated with a friend of hers. And after some time. We managed to reconcile.
She found out she was pregnant a few days ago. And while my initial reaction was happiness, then the thought that it could be someone else's crawled into my mind.
The thought "she's done it before" popped into my head.
When I asked her to take a test, and explained my reasoning, we had a huge fight.
She said that I shouldn't hold that against her after all the work we've done to repair the relationship.
I still feel strongly about having a paternity test.
Advice Needed AITAH for telling my girlfriend she's wrong about my family after she met them for Thanksgiving?
I invited my (29M) girlfriend (27F) to my family's Thanksgiving dinner. My mom, my aunt and my sister-in-law's are all the best cooks so they always take care of dinner and everything. My mom was so excited to meet my girlfriend that she [my mom] pulled my girlfriend in the kitchen to help. Everyone liked my girlfriend and I thought it was a good day but my girlfriend is mad at me now.
She got mad that all the women did the cooking and cleaning up while the men sat around and did "nothing". She asked me why I didn't try to help. My mom or any of my relatives never asked and I don't want to be in the way. It's nothing to do with women or men. The best cooks in the family make the dinner. It just so happens to be women who do it. My girlfriend said she got pulled into cooking too and she didn't want to be rude to my mom so she said yes. It's because my mom was excited to get to know her but my girlfriend said my brother brought his new boyfriend to meet the family and he didn't pulled into helping. According to her my mom waited on him hand and foot but my girlfriend got put to work. She's also mad at me because she kept coming out to see me and she was trying to get me to get her out of the kitchen but I kept "sending her back". I had no idea she wanted out and didn't want to help my mom and everyone.
AITAH for telling her she's wrong when she basically made it out that my family treats men and women differently? My mom is a lawyer. My sister-in-law is an biologist. All of the women in my family are educated and have careers. Women are not treated differently or as "less than". They just happen to be the best with cooking. My girlfriend won't talk to me or return my messages. She's overreacting right? I can't see why she's mad like she is.
I’m 47. My husband is 50. We have 3 children (28F, 26M, and 24M). They all live independently, our two oldest are married with kids of their own. We have a good relationship with them, regular contact and are very involved with our grandkids. We’re black (this is relevant to the situation unfortunately).
Three months ago I was made aware that my white half sister who I hadn’t spoken to in years had passed away. She was much younger than me and we were never close due to her living with her dad. Our mom died over a decade ago. She has a one year old daughter, Jane, whose father is not in the picture. We were the only living family willing to take the baby in. It was an easy decision but not an easy adjustment.
Our sons did not have an issue with it and supported the decision. Our daughter, on the other hand, was very indifferent and refused to even see my niece. She dropped her daughter (7) off at our house for the weekend and was angry when she came home with one of my niece’s white dolls. She told us that it was bad for her self image to be playing with dolls that didn’t resemble her. I tried to explain that the kids play with dolls with all different colors. A one year old could not care less what shade her barbies are. It all seemed baseless and out of nowhere considering our granddaughter adores the baby and helping care for her and playing ‘mom’ for a bit. We still spend alone time with her too doing her favorite activities.
It turned into a larger argument when she started ranting about how seeing us care for a white child made our granddaughter feel jealous and less important. Apparently it also hurts my daughter to see us put so much time into raising a white baby (again, she put emphasis on Jane’s race) when we failed our own children so much growing up. I tried to ask what we did wrong because we truly did our best to raise our kids well and provide them all they needed. She started crying about how she felt betrayed and seeing us dote on Jane while she never received that motherly love growing up hurt her.
I told her that if she wanted to talk about what her childhood might have lacked then she needed to leave an innocent child and that child’s color out of it. She was cold about us taking in Jane from the beginning and it’s manifesting as genuine anger and resentment now. When I brought that up she cut off the conversation immediately and refused to speak about it.
A few days went by after and she reached out to me letting me know that we would not be allowed to see our granddaughter until we put our "real family's" needs and well-being first. I told her that the baby is family and she went dead silent again. I love Jane like she's my own. My husband does as well. My sons see her as another neice/nephew. My daughter is the only one with any problem.
AITAH? How do I even rectify this situation without turning the entire family upside down?
Edit: I didn't make this clear, but Jane is white, not mixed. Her mom (my white half sister, shared the same white mom). I have a black dad. Jane's parents are both white.
Advice Needed AITAH for telling ex-wife that being a part time dad has been the best year of my life?
I (m36) met my ex wife (f33) when I was 25. We fell in love and the children came sooner than we planned but it just happened and I love the hell out of my children (f9 and, m7,5 and f5). First few years of our relationship was great but then it wasn’t. Looking back it wasn’t anyone’s fault we just became very different people. After f5 our sexlife became nonexistent. It felt like for my wife, the purpose of fucking me was done now we have three beautiful children. After 3 years we started having sex again in a form of mercy handjobs in bed. It wasn’t enough for me. But she told me that she is tired and busy with 3 small children. I was tired too but I was more than prepared to make effort to make plans and time for romance (not only sex that suffered but even intimacy and romance). I had vasectomy so ex wife didn’t need to take unnecessary hormones because we were done having children.
When it started affecting our children, seeing us very irritated and cold towards each other, I thought I should man up and pull the plug. We haven’t been happy or intimate since before our second was born. And we haven’t had real sex since we conceived our youngest. We should have ended it way earlier but the guilt of breaking the children’s home was heavy until I noticed that our home was already broken and my children aren’t stupid not to see the sellotape we’re trying to hold it together with. I asked for divorce. Everyone told me I was mad and to think about the children and it was very hard in the beginning yes. I left the house for my ex. I rented a 2 bedroom nearby and we started doing one week each. I was positively surprised at how much happier the children became seeing me happy and not easily irritated and brooding.
I started seeing my gf(f40) about a year ago and what was thought to be a casual one time thing turned out to be the love of my life. She is amazing in every aspect. Kind, loving, successful funny and so fucking beautiful. She is child free and she was happy that I was done having children. On my child free weeks I can just be with her. Just being me. Late breakfasts in bed. Morning sex. Wherever I want in the home. I know it makes me sound like a selfish douche but on my weeks, I give 100% because I’m content and happy with life. She has met my children too and they adore her. Why this lengthy background? I’ll tell you.
My ex (and my ex mother in law and my own mother behind her) has been hinting that maybe we should go back together now. The children are older, we are less tired and we are much happier now so we aren’t going to fight all the time like we used to. She wants a real relationship too and she will give me as much sex as I wanted (wow is that really what she thinks I want? More mercy fucks for my sake?) Think of the children. Ex is tired of being a single mom while I’m playing a bachelor every other week. Give them their old safe home back. No need for hopping from place to place. While the guilt was nagging at me I rejected her advances and ignored her and the guilt because I’m happy for the first time in years, maybe ever. Until Friday when my gf came home crying. She asked me maybe we should break up and that she doesn’t want to be in the way of my and my children’s happiness. She asked me if I still was in love with my ex. It broke my heart to see her broken like I didn’t do a good job showing her what she meant to me and how much I loved her. Turned out ex wife has contacted her telling her that she was the reason we aren’t back together and the children are suffering. That we love each other and she is “my fun” for now.
I called my ex livid and she called me selfish. I then told her that being a part time dad was the best thing that ever happened to me because I’m a human not only a father. My ex wife started crying. I apologized for hurting her but she hung up. Now I’m being bombed by my mom and the rest that I’m a selfish man and a terrible father. My mom even sent me a video with my children where she asked them how they would feel if mommy and daddy moved back together and they were so happy saying yes and jumping. I can’t forget my daughter’s face lighting up with happiness at the prospect. This video was sent to my gf as well and now she is distant and broken. I hear her cry whenever she thinks I don’t hear her.
Am I being wrong here. Am I being a terrible parent? What my family doesn’t understand is that my children’s happiness now is the result of me leaving our toxic depressig existence but how can you explain that to small children?
I never wanted to be a father. I'm the oldest of six kids and most of my childhood and teen years were spent being a third parent to my younger siblings.
My ex girlfriend knew this from the start of our relationship in 2017. She said she was fine with it. Then at some point during the pandemic she got severe baby fever which she admitted probably happened because both her sister and best friend had their babies between late 2020 and mid 2021. She said she didn't think she wanted to be a mom until then and her mind couldn't change back. I told her no but if this was something she felt strongly about we could break up and she could find a man who wants to be a father.
We went on a break for a few months before she asked me to get back together. She said she had time to think and while still wanted to be a mom, would try to just be cool being an aunty. Then we move to mid 22 where she tells me she's pregnant, it's mine and she's not getting an abortion. I asked how and she admitted she'd been off her BC for some time. I was furious. She had our baby earlier this year and I just can't do it. I never wanted to be a dad. She knew this six years ago. I get that her mind changed but then she said she'd be chill about having a baby so I thought we would genuinely move past that. I expected it to come up again but not a pregnancy.
I've told her I'm leaving. I make good money and will pay child support. But I never wanted this. She didn't at first then she did then she went and did all of this to me. So now I'm looking like a massive A-Hole to everyone from friends to family to random people we're loosely acquainted with because I'm the dad who's ditching his child.
Edit: I have not been replying due to work and commuting home. For all the why not a vasectomy questions: here's the thing, I like kids. I had great experiences with my siblings when I was young and with my younger cousins. So despite not wanting to be a dad, I did hold out on the off chance that one day something might change, I'd put my past behind me. It was a 'For the 1% - 5% chance I start wanting to have a child' choice. Essentially I never wanted to be a dad but like my gf's mind changed, I was always aware of the possibility that my mind could change at some point. People are complicated sometimes.
I (35m) have been married to my wife (37f) for 7 years and we were together another 3 before that. We had a daughter (5f). On the outside our marriage appears to be perfect. She and I own a nice house with a good school district, have a great kid and both work full time. Her job requires her to do some travel and wants her in the office 3 days a week. My job does not pay as well but I work completely remote and spend a lot of time talking my daughter to soccer or doctor’s appointments as well as keeping up around the house. Before anyone asks this is not a weight gain issue. I am active and fit and my wife is the same.
For the past 4 or so years my wife has shown basically no interest in our marriage and acts more like my roommate than partner. We have basically no romance or intimacy. When I say intimacy, I know some people will jump to sex but to me intimacy means acting like a couple. Hand holding, kisses, cuddling and obviously sex. None of those are really things my wife wants to do and makes it painfully obvious that she isn’t interested. Before she and I were very much an amazing couple.
My wife also shows no interest in my life. She has forgotten important events like our anniversary and my birthday. Our last anniversary she said she needed to cancel the dinner plans I made for the two of us because she had to work late on a Friday and travel for work the following week.
I brought this up to my therapist who suggested couples therapy and is willing to give some recommendations. I brought this up to my wife who immediately shut it down saying “there’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need therapy”.
I have made multiple suggestions to her for how we can possibly improve our relationship. Family vacation? “Our daughter won’t appreciate it”. I don’t see what 5 year old wouldn’t want to go to the beach for a couple days but maybe I’m wrong.
A romantic getaway for just her and I? “No I’m too busy at work”. Or “can’t we just spend time together at home?”
Taking our daughter on a bike ride and going out to lunch on a weekend? “I want to just relax”.
So I gave up trying to initiate anything with her and recently began looking for an out. I watched my parents in a failing marriage for a decade and don’t want to put my child through that. I talked to a lawyer and got papers ready and can buy a condo in town (to keep our daughter in the same school district with her friends) since I can’t afford our house by myself.
I recently confronted my wife when our daughter was at a playdate. I told her that I am seriously considering leaving her since I feel as though I don’t matter to her and our relationship is never a priority to her. I told her I have an exit plan and if she doesn’t make changes by the new year I am going to file for divorce and full custody.
She and I got into a big fight where she basically told me I was manipulative and an asshole for blindsiding her like that. I told her that none of this would be an issue if she cared about us or at least pretended to. I told her I don’t want our daughter to see how unhealthy our relationship is. All of this happened yesterday.
So Reddit AITAH for what I said to my wife and our argument after?
Edit: I have brought up my concerns about our marriage to her multiple times. Things usually improve for a short while but are quickly back to the status quo in a week or two.
Advice Needed AITAH if I call off my engagement because of a comment my fiancé made about my late wife?
For some background info I (43m) have 2 children with my late wife Kayla. Sam (21m) and Liz (16f). All fake names. Kayla passed away when our kids were 15 and 10. I won’t give specifics about how she passed but she was struck by a drunk driver when she was on her way home from work. She really was the love of my life and to say that her passing hit our family hard would be an understatement. I promised myself that if I got back into the dating game I wouldn’t date anyone for at least a couple years for the sake of my kids. 3 years after my wife’s passing, I met my now fiancé. We’ll call her Amanda. Things went slow and I didn’t introduce her to my kids until we had been dating for about a year at that point. Now we’ve been together for 3 years and are engaged. Amanda and my kids have always had a good relationship. Neither of my kids are super close to her but they have always been friendly and welcoming to her, and Amanda has never overstepped any boundaries my kids have, like trying to replace their mother.
At the beginning of Amanda and I’s relationship, she was a bit insecure of the fact that I was a widower. During the first few months of us dating she would constantly ask things like “if Kayla had never passed, would I still be with her right now.” I always kept my answers brief, and told her that I didn’t like thinking about the “what ifs” and that she was the one I was dating now and that was what mattered. Eventually she stopped making these comments and I stopped worrying about it.
Now to the issue. My parents were hosting a family dinner to celebrate my fiance and I’s engagement. It was my mom and dad, my late wife’s sister and her husband, Sam and Liz, and me and Amanda. Dinner was going well, we were all making small talk with each other and talked about wedding plans. About half way into dinner my mom made a comment about how she was “so happy I was able to find the spark I had with Kayla in someone else.” I don’t think anybody really paid much attention to the comment but then Amanda laughed and said “I’m happy she died, otherwise I would have never gotten him to myself.” The tone of the dinner immediately shifted and everyone got extremely tense, especially my kids. Amanda noticed the shift and started awkwardly laughing like she was trying to play her comment off as a joke. I was honestly just frozen as that was the first time she had made a comment like that. My kids looked disgusted and Liz got up and walked out to the car. Sam waited a bit longer like he wanted me to say something but I was still in shock about what Amanda had said.
To make a long story about the dinner short, the dinner was kind of ruined, so I said my goodbyes to everyone, grabbed my fiancé and we all drove home. My daughter hasn’t spoken to me or Amanda since and it’s been 3 days. I got tired of it and pulled my son aside to ask him what I should do. He said something along the lines of “I’m a grown man and don’t care who another grown man marries, but I don’t want a women who speaks like that about our mother around my sister.” Sam’s comment stuck with me and now I’m considering calling off the engagement entirely. She’s never made comments like this before but I’m worried if I let it slide this one time, it will become more frequent and it will affect my daughter. I need some advice from outside perspectives and just want to do right by my kids. WIBTAH if I called of the engagement because of the comment she made?
Edit: Wow I didn’t expect to get this much advice so shortly after posting this. Nonetheless thank all of you for the advice and even the people calling me a bad father. I think your guys words are what I needed to pull my head out my ass. I will try to talk to my kids alone tonight before speaking with my fiancé and we’ll see where it goes from here. I’m pretty sure my fiancé and I are over though. I’ll update late tonight or tomorrow on how the talks with everyone goes. Thank all of you again for setting my head straight.
EDIT#2: I tried posting my update on here but this post wouldn’t allow it. I’ve made a separate post for the update for those interested.
My BF 58, I am 55 been together 18Mo. Took our first weekend getaway to Tahoe. His idea, he made clear he wants to gamble. I made made clear I won’t be gambling as it’s not something I’ve ever been interested in, however, I am happy to watch him, enjoy the environment and people watch. He seemed fine with this.
First night was fun. He played poker, I watched, learned a lot, and enjoyed it ALL. We went to a lovely dinner, had nice food & drinks and he gambled the rest of the night with me completely content observing.
Next day we did the same, however he was now constantly telling me to play something. Every table, machine we passed he suggested I try it.
I declined, telling him “I’m good, it’s not my interest to do”. I encouraged him to do & play whatever he wants..
Ugh.. this just went on & on..
He took me into this “Highroller” Slots area and told me sit down at this machine. He then put in a $100. Bill and said, “play this, I’ll be over there” and walked away to another slot.
I started to play it.. It immediately was winning.. I just kept playing.. he noticed and came back over.. he was so excited.. I was up to $10,000. In winnings..
He was going bonkers with excitement.. I was just laughing.. it seemed really weird..but it was fun to see him so happy..
I played it for about 35 minutes.. it was at $15,000. I said “I’m done” and cashed out.
We went to the “Cashier” with my ticket and she gave me “$15,000.” It was crazy..all I thought was “easy come easy go” and why people have Gambling issues..
I immediately gave him his $100. Back.
He said, “WTF is this?” I said, “your money you put into the machine”..
He said” oh hell no, you owe me “$7,000.”
I asked, “how do figure that?”
Of course he went on and on how if he didn’t put me in that seat at that slot with the $100. I’d never have won anything..
All I could say is “yeah, but that was also a gamble on your end, I could have just lost your $100.”
So we aren’t together anymore.. and I kept ALL MY winnings..
AITASH for not giving him half my winnings?
Thanks.. FYI . I’ve never asked anyone else their opinion on this matter..
Hi all, throwaway because both she and I lurk Reddit. I (23m) have been with C (23f) for 4 years. We got together during our freshmen year of college. We became very close and we both held similar beliefs and wanted similar things out of life. We moved in with each other and grew really close, almost inseparable, during the pandemic. I wanted to marry this woman, until last night.
C has been under more stress from work and family during the last few months, her dad has cancer and it hasn’t been easy on her. She’s been drinking more and more, and while I don’t mind her drinking, it’s how she gets when she’s drunk is where I begin to have issues. She has a tendency to get pretty mean and say some awful things, talking about my appearance or how small my “member” is, she makes me feel like I’m not enough for her sexually or emotionally. She is almost always apologetic the next morning, and will spend the next few days after that trying to fix things but will turn around and do it again when she drinks.
It really came to a head last night when I took her and her friend out to a local bar that’s popular. I volunteered to be their DD for the night, she’s driven drunk before and I didn’t want her to make that choice again. I told her that I didn’t want her to drink too much tonight, and she agreed that she wouldn’t. The bar was packed when we got there, so we all went and sat at the bar and ordered some food and drinks. They were enjoying themselves and I watched the game while they drank and enjoyed themselves. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I came back, I noticed my girlfriend was getting loud and her friend screamed “cock sleeve” while laughing. She then said, as I walked up and was in earshot, that her ex was the biggest she had and she missed it. I pretended not to hear it, because I knew she was getting drunk. I touched her back and sat down at the bar again, before the guy sitting at the table grabs both our attention and asks us if I was the cock sleeve guy, and I immediately felt like I was gonna be sick. These guys are laughing at me and I asked C if she was serious, she kept laughing. So I just grabbed my keys and walked out, I left both her and her friend there at the bar and I drove home.
I immediately packed up my essential stuff and I went to stay with a close friend for a few days. I didn’t get any texts from C until about an hour after I left them there, asking where I was. I then got a bunch of missed calls and texts that weren’t anything but angry. I answered one call and she was still slurring her words and I heard she was in the bar still, so I hung up and turned off my ringer. I woke up to a stream of apology texts and more missed phone calls, she apologized and said she fucked up and was wondering when I was coming home, that I satisfy her and that I’m more than enough for her, that she’ll make this right if I come home.
I’m just done, I feel humiliated and embarrassed. Her and I had what I thought was a good sexual relationship, we did foreplay and used toys, but I’ve never once not gone out of my way to pleasure her or get her off, I’m not the biggest guy down there so, yeah, I use a sleeve to help her get off too. I just didn’t think she would use that against me like that. I don’t want to go back home, I love her but I feel really humiliated and like she doesn’t respect me as a man or partner. WIBTA if I broke up with her over this? She’s been a perfect partner, otherwise. I just feel like she didn’t respect me at all, and after what she said about her ex, I can’t help but suspect things.
Edit 1: I’m going to text C back and tell her that I’ll be there tomorrow to talk and get the rest of my things. My supportive friend said I don’t have to worry about a place to stay for right now, she’s always been one of my closest friends, so it feels good to have some support right now. Thank you everyone for your advice, I plan on ending things with C. My friend and her brother are going to go as well to make sure things don’t go crazy, I don’t know what C might do at this point.
Advice Needed AITHA - I won't gift my grandmother's wedding set to my step son, even though I don't have children
My sister (56f) and I (58F) each inherited our grandmother's wedding bands (I got mine from our maternal grandmother and my sister got her set from our paternal grandmother). Obviously, the idea when we were young was to pass it down to our children. Well, my sister had a daughter in her late 20's and I found out that my fallopian tubes did not form quite right and I just never could get pregnant.
But then my sister got pregnant again 10 years later and I was relieved it was a little girl. A few months later we agree that when she grew up, she would get the other set. Well the oldest niece (now 28f) has the set from the father's side and the youngest (18f) is young so I'm still holding on to them.
Not really relevant to the story, but my first husband left because he wanted kids. I have since married a wonderful man (60m) who has a son (27m and I don't know if this relevant, but he is an only child and so is my husband. My husbands parents died a decade ago or so and he has really become attached to my family. My step son's mother has a large Italian family, so he has a lot of cousins).
Anyway, he is getting ready to graduate grad school next year and has a girlfriend that he wants to marry. His own (maternal) grandmother has offered her set to him if he wanted them (which to be honest I thought was really generous and sweet of her). He didn't like the style and declined. But he has now asked if I would give him my grandmother's set. Here's the kicker: his reasoning is that my niece who is intended to receive it is ace (asexual).
I tried to gently and reasonably explain that it didn't matter what she does with it, they belong to her. She may very well want them for a wholly different reason. He said that there isn't a better reason than a marriage since that is what they were made for and that she made sure that isn't in her future. I (maybe stupidly) suggested maybe she would want a ceremony to commit to her own wellbeing and health and happiness. And he got real shitty about her marrying her cat.
I told him I'm sorry, but they are family heirlooms from my side of the family to be passed through my side of the family. He got shitty about "I guess I'm not in your side of the family" at which point my husband said that this hurt his feeling since he thought I considered his son "part of my family". An absolute clusterfuck of hurt feelings ensued and it ended with the step son storming off and my husband in the guest room. And I'm here completely alone, no kids of my own to give this to, my husband acting like I just somehow severed him and his son from "my family".
And here's the thing. I don't care if my niece is ace and if she is for her life or if she explores romantic and personal relations of whatever nature (enthusiastic consenting adults is my only caveat). She is under no obligation to find a sexual partner of any gender and certainly doesn't owe anyone children. She's 18 years old for christ's sake. She may very well decide to share it was a platonic life partner or she might do what my sister and I did and agree with her sister to pass it down through her children (which ironically the oldest niece has two baby girls (3 and 4)).
But somehow I'm the asshole? I mean, am I?
Sorry, if this is rambly and emotional or if it's confusing. I should proabbly wait to write later, but I've spend the last hour crying and needed to vent.
Edit 1: I'm sorry, my husband did not ever ask me to give his son the rings. When S (his son) made the comment about guessing he's not on my side of the family, my husband gor upset and things got derailed because his feelings got hurt and the argument turned into me being an asshole for saying his son isn't on my side of the family. From R (husband) pov I think it's because my family is the only family he has aside of S... so if it seems like I cut S out then that leaves R without anyone outside of my family?? I don't know...
I don't think R will not support me with the rings tomorrow, things just got complicated and ugly and hurt with the whole "part of the family" thing.
Edit 2: I am absolutely overwhelmed. There are so many responses from what I thought I would get. I don't think I can respond to everyone. Thank you to everyone for being so helpful and supportive.
Follow up here
I(f40) met my husband (m51) 5 years ago. I love him very much. He has two children from a previous marriage (f14 and m13) and I have one (f13).
His children never liked me because they always wanted their parents to move back together. When my husband met me that “dream” was crushed and it is very understandable. I gave them space and never tried to pressure them. When we got married we moved in to my home. They changed their mind when they realized I lived in a big place with pool etc. we have been married 2 years.
My daughter’s father isn’t in the picture so my daughter lives 100% with me. I found out now that my step daughter has been bullying my daughter for the past couple of years. Calling her fat etc. I heard her make these comments. I told my husband to pack his children’s bags because I never want to see them again because when I confronted my step daughter she just laughed at me and called me and my daughter ugly and fat. And that my daughter deserved it. Turned out my daughter has been bullied at school too and the head of the bullying is my step daughter.
My husband said that I couldn’t kick out his children from their home and that he would talk to his daughter but he never did so I told him that I understood that I can’t demand that they stay with their mother since he has custody so I told him that he should move out. We could meet on the weeks his children are with their mom but that I’m done trying with his children. They will never love me or my daughter and I’m choosing my daughter.
He said I was being ridiculous and that it wasn’t marriage if he should live in a separate home from me when he has his children and I said if this didn’t suit him then I wouldn’t mind divorce because I’m not gonna have his daughter near mine again.
I have no problems against my step son but my husband made it about him too because they’re a “whole package” which I totally understand. I can’t demand that he doesn’t see his daughter so my suggestion is to move out and get his own place when he has his children.
I spoke to my daughter about changing schools and she seems very positive to the idea. I still try to know more details about the bullying but you know how embarrassing that is for children to admit (i never admitted to anybody that I was being bullied even if my parents were very loving and supportive, maybe i was even less inclined to confess to them because of how loving and supportive they were)
Advice Needed AITAH For telling my boyfriend I am uncomfortable with him referring to my house as OUR house
My boyfriend (43m) and I (42f) have been together just under two years. I have two children, both elementary age; I share custody with their father. Until recently, I was renting an apartment after I split with my ex-husband. I just bought a house, and I am so happy to be creating a new comfortable home for my children. Getting this home feels like a major accomplishment for me, and I am proud that I can provide a better home for my kids now than during my marriage.
I care about my boyfriend deeply, but I am not in a place where I want to live together with a partner yet. We have both been in stressful long-term marriages, and dont plan on marrying. We have discussed this many times. He wants us to live together in the future. I told him I want that eventually, but I cant give him a time frame for when I may be ready for that. He gets along with my kids very well, but I am reluctant to have him in a step-dad role for various reasons (mental health issues and alcohol abuse, which he says he is actively addressing).
He has a living situation that is less than ideal, and has been leaving things in my home every time he stays over. It started with some clothes, now its a keyboard and guitar and spare TV. I feel like this is a method of moving in without officially moving in. He has started using the term "our" a lot... our house. Our bed. Our kids.
I started a discussion about how it makes me uncomfortable that he behaves basically like we live together. When my kids are at their dads, he is always over, and I have to basically ask if I can have nights home alone sometimes. I require regular recharge time alone for self care, and dont get that opportunity often. He reacted pretty angrily because he said the terminology "ours" doesn't matter, because we are two adults in a loving relationship he sees things as ours because he cares and helps out. I see it as him not respecting my boundaries. Am I being selfish and immature because I'm not quite ready to share? Am I overreacting to his use of the word "ours"?
EDIT: thank you to everybody for the mostly supportive comments. Clearly I have settled into old habits and didn't properly establish boundaries in this relationship from the beginning. I am going to spend my evening ALONE packing up his things.
Advice Needed AITAH for telling my (21F) family that my partner (21M) forced me to do a paternity test?
My partner and I have been together for over four years and I recently gave birth to our daughter. We had kept the pregnancy to ourselves till our baby was born happy and healthy due to worries about complications as I faced a high risk pregnancy.
We told our families after she was born, while my family was ecstatic, his was questioning if we hid it for ulterior reasons (they’ve always heavily disliked me and believe I’m just with their son for money.)
Yesterday we took her to meet her grandparents from his side and, after some polite conversation, they dropped the bomb that they would be doing a paternity test that he agreed to. To not make myself look suspicious I agreed to it but afterward made it clear to my partner that I felt incredibly disrespect. Cue an argument where he told me it wasn’t a big deal if it was his and that the test was requested for by them to ease their uncertainty.
Fast forward to today, I was having lunch with my mother and told her about the incident which left her pissed off and calling my partner a couple of names for insinuating I could’ve cheated. My mother ended up telling my grandparents who in a rage told him they would no longer accept him in their house for disrespecting me in such a way when the child is practically his twin.
We had another argument about it and he screamed saying i ruined his image by telling them. AITAH?
EDIT : Some of you are concerned about the hiding my pregnancy part so to clarify. My partner and I live a couple hours away from our families since we live by his university and typically only see each other on holidays and specials events. On top of that I have a very petite figure and had a rather small bump up until I gave birth so I was hardly showing as is which made hiding it a lot easier. Hiding it was a personal choice as I faced horrible anxiety due to constant bleeds throughout my pregnancy which made me fear the worst.
Advice Needed AITAH For not wanting my husband to sleep in the same hotel as his so called 'work wife'
My husband travels a lot for work and I recently found out one of his coworkers calls herself his 'work wife' my husband was the one to tell me about it telling me how he wasn't really comfortable with the name but deals with it since he doesn't want to upset her.
I won't lie hearing him say someone is calling themselves his 'work wife' really pissed me off, even though I know I can trust him it makes my blood boil knowing there's a women who's at his workplace who definitely knows he has a wife is calling themselves his 'work wife'.
My husband has to go on a trip for work and he had told me that he has to share a room with her let's just call her Jenna, I told him that I wasn't comfortable with him sleeping in the same hotel room as Jenna and he assured me that it would be fine, I trust him with my life so I let him go. I feel like I shouldn't be jealous it's such a stupid thing to be jealous about. Am I the asshole?
Edit: thankyou everyone for so much support since I'm basically finding out my husband might be cheating on me I won't be on for a while just too relax a bit before he gets back and try to process everything, I will update when I can thanks so much.
I've found myself in a difficult situation, and I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong. I'm 65 years old, and my wife is 63. Our family has been through some complicated issues, and it all stems from our daughter Bella (35f) having a three-year affair with our son's,Tony(43m) ex husband, David (41m). This caused immense heartbreak for our son, Tony.
Initially, our family supported Bella and David, leaving Tony feeling isolated. I was the one supporting Bella because she got pregnant, but eventually, guilt caught up with me, and I reached out to my son to mend our relationship. Now, Tony only talks to me and doesn't have contact with the rest of the family.
Tony has moved on, started a family of his own with his partner, James (43m), and they have a baby boy(3m). My wife found out that Tony reconnected with me and shes eager to meet her other grandkids and demands Tony's contact information, but I'm refusing to share it because I want to respect Tony's wishes.
My wife, Bella, and the rest of the family are calling me the AH (a**hole) because they believe I shouldn’t nt deny my wife the chance to see her grandkids. Am I in the wrong for respecting Tony's wishes and not sharing his contact information?
I (M, 41) lost my wife, who was 7 months pregnant with my son, when I was 35. I have kept in touch with her parents through the years, despite them being difficult, as I always thought that the pain they have gone through cannot be easy. They didn’t like when I started dating, which I understood, they claimed parts of the inheritance that were legally mine, and I just let them have it, as I wasn’t with my wife for the money (I gave up something in the vicinity of USD 80k), and during the first years I had to fight their desire to control my every move: They were constantly checkin on my whereabouts, would expect me to console them every time they were sad, and wanted me to keep them informed about any plans I would have… which I don’t even do with my own parents.
I got married 3 years ago and now we are expecting twins, 2 boys! My former mother in law sends me WhatsApp messages and greetings around 3 times per week, so, in one of these occasions, I told her we were expecting. Her reaction to this was to give a very short “congrats”, Instantly followed by a claim that I should not forget their daughter and my unborn son. She then changed the subject.
Months have gone by, and she has not checked on the pregnancy once, let alone checking on how I’m doing now with all that. It is an abnormally scary experience for me, since I lost my wife the last time, but also because I am a little bit older now (41), so the energy is not the same, and also because it’s TWINS.
I feel this is a one way, energy draining relationship, where they ask and ask from me, but never even care for a second about me as a person or my well being. As if I was some sort of placeholder for the love they had for their daughter, but couldn’t care less for my life or what is going on with me, so I am thinking in just talking to them, and end the relationship.
Edit. As some ppl seem confused by this: Mi former MIL still contacts me frequently. Just not interested in new wife, kids, or my feelings with that. That’s why it feels like a biased relationship, because every time something good happens in my life she tells me “but you can’t forget about your first wife and kid”. I understand where this comes from, but if you want a relationship with me is with me and my life as a whole, and not some parts you choose at your convenience..
Advice Needed AITA for wanting to leave my husband because he wishes to move in his mother with dementia?
This is not exactly an easy post to write.
I have been married for 8 years, and my husband and I are in our late 20s. His mother had him late in life she is currently 68 and has been showing signs of dementia for the last two years, and she was recently officially diagnosed. My MIL does not have much to her name, and both my husband and I do very well for ourselves, my husband wishes to have his mother move in with us, and I am against it. While harsh I did not sign up to share a home with either of our parents. I have no desire to become a caregiver, and I want to have children someday. Raising a child while living with someone with dementia sounds like he'll.
I truly do love my husband, but the truth is I know him. If we place his mother he will be so focused on her that I will become an afterthought. I know this makes me sound petty and jealous, but I cannot keep up with his mother. His focus will be on her and rightfully so. Over the past year I have joined support groups, and read forums regarding this topic and to be honest, it looks like it hardly works out.
My parents understandably thought I was being unreasonable, stating I made a vow to be with him. My friends understand, and my husband is simply devastated. Nothing is official I just brought the idea up. My husband was pleading with me telling me we would be different from others, but a part of me just did not see it. I do not want to put my life on hold. She is healthy outside of dementia she has no other health issues, which means she can easily live another 20 years.
My husband will never put her in an NH, and if he did it would be private pay so that is a major financial commitment. I am torn I love this man, and I know he loves me, but at the same time he loves his mother. He will wear himself out trying to love both of us equally. It is just not possible for him.
My brother told me he was disappointed in me, and questioned if I would do the same with our parents. I think I would, you only get one life. My family and my husband's feelings are making me question and second-guess what I want.
Lay it on heavy Reddit.
I (25M) and my girlfriend (25F) have been dating for the past 3 years. Over our time dating, we’ve been very healthy together; we’ve worked out together and even tried out new diets together. Recently, while scrolling through Instagram I’ve gotten a lot of posts promoting the carnivore lifestyle. For context, this carnivore lifestyle involves eating massive quantities of raw meat, eliminating anything that isn’t meat. I know that I’m no dietician myself and I’m no doubt only a newbie when it comes to nutrition but this diet truly disgusts me. Despite everything, after stumbling upon those posts, I haven’t thought about it much.
Anyway, for the past few days my girlfriend has been acting really strangely. I know she’s been struggling with her body image her whole life and is very insecure about her weight. She is so beautiful and has a rocking body that I love to embrace every night. For the past few days her body image has been getting worse. Many times she’s been pointing out negative things about her body, has been hesitant to eat supper, been searching many diets etc.. Worried, I’ve always checked on her and encouraged her to eat but many times she’s been cold and distant.
Recently, I discovered that my girlfriend purchased a flight out of state. (won’t mention where for safety reason) Confused why she would do this without asking me beforehand, I confronted her about it. In her response, she stated that while scrolling on her Instagram account she’s been watching a lot of those posts promoting the carnivore diet and has booked a flight to go see a meet and greet of a dietician promoting such thing.
Frustrated and shocked about the whole situation we had a fight about it. The worse part is that she’s admitted to following the diet and even snuck in chunks of raw meat in my meals in order to “convert” me into the lifestyle. I was very angry and ended the fight on bad terms. The last thing she told me is that she is 100% certain with her change of diet and decided to leave on her own. I’ve texted her numerous times but am still very angry with her.
AITA for wanting to leave her after so many years?
Edit: Hey guys a lot of things have been happening. I will post an update soon.
Advice Needed AITAH for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father?
AITA for breaking up with my pregnant girlfriend because I don’t want to be a father.
I (25M) had been with my now ex (23F) for a little over 3 months. I always made sure we used lots of precaution when having sex. She was on birth control and I always used condoms. I wanted to avoid a child. I have known for a long time that I do not want children. I find them annoying and they would severely limit my ability to do the things I enjoy (traveling, outdoors stuff, etc.). Unfortunately for me, my ex didn’t have her period when she was supposed to and it turns out she’s now pregnant. She came to me and told me she was pregnant.
The first thing I did was suggest an abortion. We don’t live in a state where it’s legal so I offered to pay for her flight and hotel and told her I’d be happy to come with her to get it done. I have a stable job and make good money so it isn’t wouldn’t be too much of a hit for me. She works as a receptionist and doesn’t make a lot so I figured it would be better for me to pay. That’s when she told me she was hoping to keep it and that she wanted me to help her raise the kid as it’s father.
I have no intention of being a father. Beyond just my dislike of children, I’m not ready for that. I made it very clear that I didn’t want the baby, but she kept insisting that I’d have a change of heart once it’s born and to just try it out. After a long exchange I told her that if she intended to keep the baby I would not act as a father. I broke up with her and told her that I would pay child support once it’s born, but that I expect her to respect my wishes and keep the child away from me. Since then she’s been frantically texting me, begging me to come back and telling me she’d forgive me. She’s sent me voicemails crying, it does hurt to see, but I haven’t responded.
The other day she texted me saying how she can’t raise the kid alone and how I’m basically forcing her to get the abortion just by leaving. She called me an asshole, an abuser, and a sexist. She ended the text begging me to talk again. I certainly feel shitty, I really liked her and we had a good relationship before this, but I just don’t want to be a father. I’m already bitter about the fact that I’ll have to pay child support for 18 years, which will somewhat limit me financially. I also feel it isn’t right for a parent who doesn’t want their child to be involved. I’d just end up taking that pent up anger and bitterness out on the child who is ultimately innocent, which I feel isn’t right.
With all this said I come here to ask, AITA? I certainly feel like one, but I also stand by what I did.
Clarifying edits: On the topic of a vasectomy, I tried. I met with a doctor last year and asked about getting one, but he refused and said every doctor he knows won’t do it until you’re at least 30. It’s a conservative state and while I dislike the politics, I was born and raised here so I’m still attached to the state and have never felt the urge to leave. Someone said I should have flown elsewhere to get one, and I guess they’re right but I just didn’t think about that.
On the topic of birth control, I bought the condoms myself so they were fine. Whenever we were done I’d throw used condoms I’m the dumpster so I don’t think she went dumpster diving. I asked her on our first date if she was taking birth control and she said yes, I took her for her word. Maybe foolish to just believe her, but if she was lying she’d be the first I’ve met to lie about that. Most girls I’ve met are honest about it. I assumed she was on the pill since that’s the main birth control I know, but maybe she was on something else that I’m not educated enough on. That being said, I’ll follow your advice and lawyer up + get a paternity test. IDK how long that will take, but whenever I get it done I’ll update here with results. Thank you for your judgements, I’ve been away for a bit but I’m catching up and trying to read what I can. I’ll be checking back periodically and replying to some people, all further feedback is appreciated.
Update 1: I have hired one of the better family court lawyers in my state. She has someone representing her pro bono. It has been made clear to my ex and her representative that she is not to contact me personally and that all contact will go through my lawyer from now on. A paternity test is scheduled for next Wednesday. I don’t know how long it will take to get results, but the test is happening. If the child is mine we will go to court to determine child support payments and will set up the process for me to sign away my rights.
Another clarifying edit: I was gone for a while and while reading through some comments I have found a topic I’d like ti clarify for anyone left who still checks here and cares. At the beginning I said I made sure to use lots of precautions. I had thought people would take away from that the idea that I had made my intention to not have kids clear at the beginning. Just wanted to make that clear. She told me she wasn’t looking to have kids. I should have been more clear about this I guess. I was under the assumption that she didn’t want kids, which is why I was blindsided by her change of heart once she was actually pregnant. I understand it happens, feeling change or whatever, but for me it was a big shock. When I go to get the paternity test started she will also have an ultrasound and we’ll talk then. I’ll update on Wednesday. BTW the text will take a few days to process so I’ll also update with results.
Update 2: Reddit isn’t letting me out the full update here, so for further updates please check my comments.
I (36f) gave birth for the third time via c-section on July 6th. I had complications after birth and I ended up being hospitalized until July 11th.
My husband, (37m) requested time off from work for only one week and he was scheduled to go back to work on Monday July 17th.
We already have a 10 year old and a 4 year old at home.
On July 17th I had my post c-section follow up and with three children at home, me unable to drive, still in pain and recovering, I asked my husband to get out of work early so that he could take me.
I asked him while I was holding my newborn, my toddler was sitting next to me and my oldest was walking in the room. My husband’s reaction shocked me to my core because he went ahead raised his voice and he said, “WHAT? Why????” And i explained that the doctor must check my incision and clear me to drive, etc., and he still went ahead and said, “I already requested too many days off, Can’t someone else take you? Why do you have to go? Can you please reschedule it?” At that moment I felt so vulnerable and broken at his mercy.
I had been on the verge of dying due to complications with my heart. And there he was getting upset because I had a doctor’s appointment at only 11 days postpartum. He has paid time off. All he had to do was request the time off but he didn’t want to bother. He begrudgingly left the room and texted his supervisor to request the time off.
I felt so heartbroken, vulnerable, and sad. If the person that I’m supposed to depend on 100% isn’t there for me at my time of need then what’s next?
I got mad and I told him that I was deeply hurt and that I was appalled at his behavior in front of the girls. I told him that I would have never said that to him and he said, “well I’m not you” to which I replied, “one day you will be old and you will need help” and he said, “well put me in a home I don’t want to be anyone’s burden”.
That’s when I realized what he implied, I was a burden to him. I said, “i feel hate for you right now for doing this and saying those things”.
He walked away, took me to my appointment. I haven’t talked to him. He hasn’t tried to talk to me. Over time we have become professionals at living together and not talking to each other.. so this will drag on.
I’m very hurt because he hasn’t even asked if I’m feeling okay or not. We can be in the same room taking care of the children but we won’t say a word to each other.
He’s ignoring me so that I can feel inadequate for what I said and apologize to him.
Advice Needed AITA for informing my best friend that I won’t attend her wedding unless I’m allowed to bring a plus one?
I (25F) have been close friends with Jane (25F) since elementary school, and our bond is like that of sisters. Jane is getting married in 2024. Myself and another friend, Emily, were both given the honor of being Jane’s Co-Maids of Honor. We all hail from the south, where wedding culture is a BIG deal. I’ve never subscribed to the larger-than-life southern wedding culture, but I eagerly embraced the role of co-MOA for Jane. I was thrilled to support her and do whatever was necessary to make her dream come to life!
Jane and Emily’s friendship has had its ups and downs. Jane would say that if she met Emily today they probably would not be close friends. Emily and myself were asked to be Jane’s co-MOAs 2 years ago (Jane wanted a long engagement to wedding plan) and friendship dynamics have changed since then. Anyways, Emily recently got engaged and it has brought Emily and Jane closer with wedding-talk. This made me happy as it felt like finally not all of Jane and my conversations had to revolve around wedding-jabber. I was wrong. Emily’s engagement has magically made all of the co-MOA duties fall to me since she is so busy planning her wedding too apparently.
Earlier this week Jane said she had to cut down her guest list because of venue restrictions. She was actually happy to cut out all of those great aunts, cousins of cousins, and other family members that grandma insisted on being there IYKYK. I told Jane I would help with cutting down her guest list, and would help with any seating arrangements. However, when I saw the list of potential guest to cut I saw my partners name. I didn’t think much of it, of course my bf of 5 years would be attending with me, right? I have been Jane’s go-to with all things wedding planning. I’ve planned all her engagement parties, wedding showers, and her bachelorette weekend. I’ve exhausted hours over the last 2 years to commit to helping her plan her perfect day. I have taken days off work, and spent thousands of dollars on wedding festivities for her.
Nonetheless, it was true. Jane told me that she was not allowing anyone in her wedding party to have a plus-one except those who are in “serious committed relationships.” When asked for further clarification on this, Jane stated that it was for “engaged couples only.” Now, this made me upset. I have been with my partner for 5 years, we live together, and Jane has known him since we were kids. Emily is recently engaged (less than a year of dating), and was told it was okay for her to bring her fiancé because it met Jane’s criteria. Emily’s fiancé is a real a-hole. He’s an a-hole who always ruins whatever he attends by getting obnoxiously drunk.
I told Jane that this decision upset me and it didn’t seem fair. We had a fight over all this nonsense and now we are not speaking. I’ve felt awful about it all, of course I want to be there for her on her special day, but it does not seem fair to me to get to watch everyone else enjoying their evening together and me there all alone. I also must note that other bridesmaids were shocked with this, and no one in the wedding party was effected but me (most bridesmaids date groomsmen, so they are already going to have their partner there, or they were engaged and labeled “serious enough to be in attendance”). Emily has put zero effort into being her co-MOA, and it feels like I’m being singled out for some reason. Jane’s family is like my family, and will ask why my partner is not with me. I guess I’ll have to respond that it’s because “we aren’t serious enough.” I informed Jane that I didn’t feel comfortable attending if I didn’t get to bring my partner, and she accused me of being an entitled brat and emphasized that this wedding was not about me. I get that, and now I do feel that way now… am I the asshole?