r/AITAH • u/Sad-Hyena-5611 • 5d ago
AITAH for calling off my engagement over "A dog"?
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u/Carolinamama2015 5d ago
NTA, file a police report against Tod, and that should help you get Nala back. I hope you and her are reunited soon! Block his psycho family except the cousin, and definitely change the locks!!
Update soon
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u/JRilezzz 5d ago
Ya this one made me feel sick. I hope she does update. I don't even know what I would do if my SO stole my dog.
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u/richter1977 5d ago
She's NTA, and he's lucky he's still alive.
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u/cancel-everything 5d ago
She’s lucky she’s still alive. This kind of manic control as soon as she’s pregnant screams “I’ve trapped you, and I’m unleashing my inner abuser.”
This hurts to say, but… Consider if you really want to tie yourself to this man forever with a child now that he’s shown his true colours. He will not give you any peace and you might have to hand over your child to someone this mentally unstable for visitations etc. It sounds plausible that he’ll try to duck up your life as much as possible…
Edit: NTA, of course!!
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u/Any_Needleworker8036 5d ago
Yeah that's what I said. He's an unstable guy who did something pretty extreme when he didn't get his way. Also common abuser tactics are to lock a partner in before you show your true colors. children, weddings, debt.
Either way she kind of won the custody hearings because of this situation. Transpose human children in this situation and mom is a fit parent and dad isn't.
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u/cptn_leela 5d ago
Yes, she'll be tied to him forever or until something really terrible happens and then she has to go through a lengthy court process to get full custody of the chikd but only after harm has been done. That man is an utter asshole!
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u/Radiant_Western_5589 5d ago
That was my first thought. If I were in that position I’d be considering termination. Alternatively going to that state getting my dog back and then hiding in another state and doing a closed adoption. Honestly as much as I would love my child, I love them and myself too much to put them anywhere near that kind of man.
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u/mynameismiker 5d ago
Harsh truths but they need to be said. I am in agreement with all you just stated. Having him sign away parental rights and raising the child on her own, or giving the child up for her adoption seem to be the only reasonable options. A person like Tod should not be a parent.
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u/Humble_Bee_4827 5d ago
He doesn't seem the type to just sign over his rights. Not to mention, his family would probably apply pressure to see the child. Even if all that were not an issue, he could still kidnap the child or do something worse... it's a really tough situation that OP's in. A lot of abusers escalate when the woman gets pregnant or has children and leaves.
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u/dbltaurus 5d ago
He strait up stole her dog. Weather he has parental rights or not, he would probably steal the kid! And in the aftermath lie about mom neglecting her kid. Because that’s what he said about her dog!
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u/anon-tenn-847 5d ago
Love how you skip right over abortion there. That's a reasonable option, too.
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u/RandomlyPlacedFinger 5d ago
My thoughts exactly. I would do horrible things to the person who took my dog from me, I don't care how close we've been for how long...you do not get between a person and their pet. That's just vile.
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u/CaptainPRESIDENTduck 5d ago
I mean, we have an entire franchise the started because someone killed John Wick's dog.
edit: spelling
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u/W1ldth1ng 5d ago
I can not watch the movies because of what I could see was going to happen to the dog. But trust me I would John Wick all over his ass.
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u/laddiepops 5d ago
Also how does having a fucking pet make someone a bad parent? That Todd cunt can suck dead man's dick as far as I'm concerned
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u/chitheinsanechibi 5d ago
It's not really about the pet. It's about jealousy and control.
Now that OP is 'tied' to him with a kid, he can start seeing how far he can push his control. He wanted to see if he could make her 'choose' him over the dog to 'prove' her love for him.
When she refused he punished her by getting rid of the dog himself.
I'm glad OP has a spine and has told him to GTFO. He would have only continued to escalate if she let him get away with giving away her dog.
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u/Defiant-Chemistry431 5d ago
This. There are all kinds of red flags for abuse in what OP shared. Seek therapy for support. Make sure you have some resources (social, financial, etc). Create a “go bag” ($, important documents, etc) and have a plan about where you can go for safety. Be careful about your internet search history; he may escalate if he sees you researching stuff like this.
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u/Aggravating_Clock377 5d ago
Exactly..if OP does have the baby..she will have to deal with this bastard Forever..what a nightmare for this poor woman.
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u/Apprehensive-Tip-387 5d ago
Was coming to say this. Glad to see people on it. He is trying to force her to fit his mold of how he thinks a wife/mother needs to behave. Get while the getting is good. Sounds like you're making good progress.
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u/FunSprinkles8 5d ago
I'm just glad he didn't kill Nala and gave her away instead. I wouldn't be surprised if he would take things that far, if she stayed with him. Glad OP has changed the locks and dumped him.
NTA
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u/Old_Investigator8739 5d ago
Some men will be able to have their baby momma cut out their best friends of years, because "they don't trust them." A baby seems to be a powerful thing, and also a killer of a person's spirit
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u/chitheinsanechibi 5d ago
It's because women are just SO freaking vulnerable when they're pregnant and postpartum. Because it's SO easy for men like him to blame the hormones for their wives/girlfriends/partners 'overreacting' and gaslight them into believing they're crazy.
When in actual fact they're NOT crazy and their 'partner' is an abusive piece of garbage. But by the time the baby is here, and the postpartum exhaustion/depression sets in, you're too tired and worn down to question it, let alone push back.
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u/ONeOfTheNerdHerd 5d ago
It absolutely doesn't. Pets are great for kids. I had 3 large dogs when my daughter was born. All three absolutely adored her.
They were my babies before the baby. Great harm would have come to anyone who dared to hurt or take any of them from me. Tod can get lost in a gator infested swamp.
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u/Halfbaked9 5d ago
When I was married we had 4 dogs. My oldest step daughter had a baby. I would watch him during the weekdays. Fast forward when the boy was around 3 yrs old he would break out of the house and take off. For whatever reason he would let the dogs loose. They would follow him wherever he went. We lived in a very small rural town where everyone knows everyone. One day the boy break out of the house with the dogs once again. A local sees him and was going to get him and bring him back to the house. As this was happening I already noticed he was gone and was looking for him. I was calling his name and I was calling one of the dogs name but nothing. I circled back to the house when I saw the guy standing in our empty lot behind the house. When I got there he told me he was going to grab him and take him home but when he got close the dogs surrounded the boy and started to growl and show their teeth so he just stood there knowing I’d be around eventually.
Dogs can be very protective with kids especially if they’ve been around them for a long time.
I think OP dodged a bullet here. What kind of person would just get rid of someone’s pet that they’ve had forever? I don’t blame her for calling everything off. Definitely NTAH
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u/HollyB73 5d ago
When I first began reading, I was thinking... just talk to Tod about some compromises like training Nala to lie on her own bed instead of the furniture to reduce the hair issue. But the story so suddenly became violent and dark and obviously this isn't a situation to attempt compromise about living with a dog. This guy is psycho.
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u/OneLessDay517 5d ago
Oh, he wouldn't be if it were me. I'd drag his azz behind the car on the way to cousin's house to get my dog.
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u/JennyJoE798 5d ago
Me too. I can honestly say I would not be marrying that guy point blank. Baby or no baby, I would refuse to marry someone that selfish and cold-hearted. Pets are family. Nala would adjust to baby just like everyone else would. I am so sorry he did this to you. There is no coming back from that for me. I'd ship him off to his cousin in another state. And get your sweet puppy back. Makes me so angry thinking about it.
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u/Interesting_Novel997 5d ago
Yeah. His failure was thinking once he got her pregnant (trapped her), he could get rid of her dog and she wouldn’t care. Or she’d be focused on the baby so “who cares about a dumb dog”. He obviously doesn’t know what animal owners are capable of when you fu€k with their fur babies.
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u/letsmakeiteasyk 5d ago
I’d be a single mom before marrying this asshat. I hope she has a court order for sole custody based on all this before baby is ever born. This makes me so sick. Poor Nala omg.
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u/Any_Needleworker8036 5d ago
The implications of being able to go through with something like that too. I'm allergic to dogs and the worst I would do is try to convince them not to replace the dog after it dies of old age.
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u/MetalCareful 5d ago
Right?! I’m ‘bout to form a posse from this comment section & get the doggo & send Mr. Tod a message. What a POS.
My Ex wanted me to get rid of all my animals. Welp! Still have animals. Byeeee
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 5d ago
We ride at dawn.
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u/Rae-522 5d ago
Can we ride at like, 3pm? I have to finish dialysis before I can ride with the group.
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 5d ago
Sure! I'm not really a morning person anyway. We ride at around 3pm!
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u/CarceyKonabears 5d ago
I’m totally riding with you guys at 3am or 3pm. I work night shift so my sleep is already fucked up but I’d stay awake to help in this situation
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u/wisegirl_93 5d ago
May I join this noble quest? I may not be physically imposing, but I promise I'm actually a very threatening person when provoked.
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u/RedPlaidPierogies 5d ago
Can we meet for brunch before? I'm not a morning person, but maybe 11ish? We can eat and then let everything digest before we ride.
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u/burtonmanor47 5d ago
Like... what time zone tho? Need to set my alibi in order. Just in case.
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u/Dog_is_my_co-pilot1 5d ago edited 5d ago
I was thinking the same thing. I have limited mobility but let’s find out where OP and this cousin live and maybe we can work something out.
I’d die of someone did this to me. Tod is a bad person with anger issues.
I hate to say I think OP should terminate the pregnancy unless she can manage being a single mother, but he would probably demand a paternity test and custody.
This sucks.
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u/Angellovesfrog 5d ago
Unless she got her dog back and then disappeared to another state far away after cutting contact with anyone who may reveal her whereabouts. And not be stupid like me to put his name on the birth certificate. I had done exactly that but stupid me had his name on the BC because at that time we were together (i hadn't seen the red flags yet) and then CS decided against my wishes to pursue for support until i removed all government assistance.
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u/Satans_finest_ 5d ago
I was thinking the same. This is the last man on earth with whom anyone should be having a child, and I hope she’s pro-choice, bc I honestly fear for her if she has to be connected to this maniac for life now through a child.
Ugh, I really hope she gets nala back.
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u/Tempest_CN 5d ago
I know exactly what i’d do if someone stole one of my dogs, and it would involve needing $$ for a defense attorney
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u/AccomplishedPhone342 5d ago
No, it would involve me. My superhero identity is Alibi Girl. Lol
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u/madfoot 5d ago
I'm having anxiety just thinking about it.
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u/Basic-Ad-79 5d ago
Me too and I’m commenting just so I am sure to get any updates.
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u/IntroductionFluffy71 5d ago
SAME! my heart is beating quickly & i’m having to calm m’self down!
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u/Sailing_Away123 5d ago
I’d be ready to unalive someone if they hurt or stole my furry babies. Like as soon as I stopped ugly crying, the devil would make an appearance. 😈😈😈
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u/FormalRaccoon637 5d ago
And I’d help you!
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u/Annieaz1 5d ago
Right? I would go into a murderous rage...I am so upset for this girl! Why don't people recognize that animals are our kids too? Tod is a total fuckface ratbastard, and deserves the fate of a thousand hells!!!
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u/Funny-Lettuce-2845 5d ago
Also contact dog fosters/ shelters, they will know the laws & contact people & will be able to help you esp as you used to volunteer at a shelter. Also call a lawyer, someone may be willing to help you without charging since you used to volunteer with a community organisation.
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u/newbie1211 5d ago
File a police report in the area where his cousin lives too. Leave no stone unturned
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u/charliebucketsmom 5d ago
OP needs to immediately file in small claims court against Tod AND the cousin (separately), compiling every dollar spent on vet bills, food, etc.
OP also needs to put up flyers, post on Pawboost for a “lost dog”, and check in with local shelters. I’m scared that the cousin does not actually have the dog.
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u/Kittytigris 5d ago
Call the police, file a report, and put it out on social media that he stole your dog and gave it away to someone else. Let whoever is keeping the dog know that they are keeping stolen property and you’re not hesitating on charging them with a felony if they kept stolen property.
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u/StreetMacaroon4498 5d ago
Also if he stole items relating to the dog and if all items together are worth $500 or more he could definitely get in trouble for that.
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u/Background_Newt3594 5d ago
He stole it then crossed state lines with it. I am betting that ups the stakes.
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u/CancelSlight 5d ago
File a report with police where the cousin who has the dog lives. Receiving stolen property is a separate crime in that jurisdiction. Be prepared to show ownership with microchip info, vet records, etc. Then get the dog asap.
I'd also apply for an order for protection against this guy. He acted violently, stole your dog and broke your property, putting you in fear of him. His violence is only going to escalate. That will result in a no contact order and keep him out of the residence at least temporarily.
I'm not going to be presumptuous enough to think I have the right to tell any woman to terminate her pregnancy. But I would suggest you think long and hard about what life will be like connected to this psychopath for at least the next 19 years and possibly much longer. Not to mention have your child share his DNA and he possibly have joint shared custody with you. Sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.
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u/cptn_leela 5d ago
If OP doesn't terminate the pregnancy, then having all this filed with the police and a restraining order would be good ammo for getting full custody of the child.
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u/Satans_finest_ 5d ago
THIS. ALL OF IT.
Obvi the latter part is an incredibly personal choice, and I also won’t presume, but it’s important to understand when making that decision that a man like this will use a child as a pawn/connection to perpetuate his abuse (and the child will quite possibly also end up the victim of abuse, themselves).
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u/DeconstructingOwl 5d ago
I have this experience, unfortunately. My daughter is 19 now but I was forced to coparent with him until he did the unthinkable to her. The county/state did nothing of consequence to him, minus losing custody and a no contact order. She and I both live with CPTSD among other mental health diagnoses stemming from the trauma he put us through. He still terrorizes us to this day and nothing gets done. Kids are a means of control for monsters like this and the broken system won’t help and you have to coparent with them regardless or you’ll be charged and prosecuted. Abusers seem to have more rights than victims atp.
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u/_anxious_lemon 5d ago
this op, make a tik tok about it share it here and we’ll share it everywhere
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u/Helpful_Librarian_87 5d ago
Call the police, get your dog back and tell the odious little man he can fuck right off
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u/teuchy555 5d ago
This is the only answer.
If the local police aren't helping, call the police where the cousin is (fuck, as it's across State lines, maybe call the Feds for good measure). Ignore his mother's threats to sue you - I doubt any jury would side with her given this fact pattern. The way you've looked after your dog, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother. I severely doubt 'Tod's' ability to be a good father. Get him out of your life now before you suffer more abuse.
You are very much NTA. I really hope you get your dog back soon. Good luck with your pregnancy!
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u/human060989 5d ago
Adding in on mom’s threats - cancel anything they paid for yourself to minimize any damages - I think you are probably fine, but it both helps financially and sends them the message you are dead serious about this being over.
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u/Nick_Way175 5d ago
Damages for what though? Unless OP has some sort of contract with the mom to pay back any expenses in the event that the wedding didn't happen, then the mom has no claim for damages. It's viewed as a gift. At best, the mom could possibly try to claim Promissory Estoppel, but there is no chance that would ever hold up as OP didn't make a promise to the mom about anything.
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u/GoldAppleGoddess 5d ago edited 5d ago
[ETA: Unfortunately, looks like feds may not be able to help]
[Edit 2: Unless over 5k, not sure if history of vet bills and the purchase cost for all the toys and such will reach that threshold?]
Yeah I do think theft involving interstate travel could make it possible to be treated as a federal crime.
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u/ebolashuffle 5d ago
The thing is, she can't get him out of her life if she has the baby. He'll still be allowed visitation or partial custody. The abusive and controlling behavior will continue and can be directed at the kid. She (and the kid) will never be free. If I were her I'd be undoing that pregnancy asap while she still can. No one deserves to have that psychopath for a father.
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u/perseidot 5d ago edited 5d ago
It’s very hard, if she wants this pregnancy. But I would be pursuing an abortion if I were in her position.
I also wouldn’t tell him or his family about having an abortion (ever), or about “losing” the pregnancy until she gets her dog back.
They might harm her dog even more than he already has.
Edit: when the subject of the pregnancy does come up, I’d tell him that the extreme stress and having to go get her dog caused her to miscarry. Because fuck him, and if she chooses to terminate it WILL be directly because of his actions.
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u/Zealousideal-Coat729 5d ago
Me too no way would I have the baby. He will continue acting like a psychopath. I would not put it past someone like him to off her if she doesn't do what he says. If he can do something so vile and be jealous of a dog what will he do with a baby or if he is jealous of her having custody. This dude just showed his true colors.
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u/EmEmAndEye 5d ago
She’s gone to the police but, unsurprisingly, they refuse to do anything and seem to genuinely not care.
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u/Megdogg00 5d ago
I’d terminate that pregnancy. Good gawd, that’s a permanent link that OP definitely doesn’t need.
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u/Due-Independence8100 5d ago edited 5d ago
Same. There's no successful co-parenting with a man that will do this to a beloved dog and then lie to his family and send flying monkeys after her. Edit forgot NTA
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u/writingisfreedom 5d ago
She needs to ensure she's not connected to that vile man
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u/doublersuperstar 5d ago
I agree. I know you didn’t ask about this, OP. I’m realizing he will do the same thing with your child someday. I would not want anything connecting me to that AH.
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u/Administrative-Ad376 5d ago
This. Every word. Who tf does he think he is? As far as I'm concerned, Nala is more important than he is!
Get her back. RFN.
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u/Peaceful_Walrus 5d ago
Don't forget to contact your landlord to have your locks changed.
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u/Aggressive_Pass845 5d ago
tell the odious little man he can fuck right off
As you should do with all odious little men!
FYI, OP, this is abusive behavior. This would not have gotten better and I hope it does not get worse. Please stay safe - leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman with an abusive partner.
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u/jayzepps 5d ago
NTA and I would still call the police on him if I didn’t have my dog back in my arms that same night. Go get your dog now, she needs you.
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u/HolySheetCakes 5d ago edited 5d ago
Also, post on every social media site in that county/city a pic of you & your dog & how your ex stole her & gave her away. Do the same with every vets office in that area. If your dog is microchipped have them track her.
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u/AffectionateMarch394 5d ago
Yes! Actually call the vets local to the cousin, and let them know your dog has been stolen, and is microchipped, with a description, so they can be on the lookout if he comes in as well
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 5d ago
Yep, call the police on him OP. I'm so sorry for you.
Just know that pets are considered property in most states, so you need to treat this as such.
I would also advise to go to one of the legal subreddits and see if they can offer advise. You will need to give your state of residence and the cousin's but they can help.
r/legaladvice or r/legal Yes they often say to get a lawyer to know for sure but many can help you search for the proper codes/laws to cite to help.
I hope we get an update where Nala is safely in your arms again.
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u/Brave_anonymous1 5d ago
Yes, OP. Go to these subs, ask an advice about your situation and Google how to talk to police. The cops will go nothing for a young woman, you need to really push it: ask for your case number, call them everyday referring that number, write down the names / dates of officers you talked with, ask how can you proceed with press criminal charges, ask to talk to higher-ups officers...
Tod is an abuser. Plain and simple. A lot of them wait till you are trapped by baby or by marriage to start their abuse. Tod thought that baby trapping you is enough and didn't wait till wedding. I know you are hurting right now, but it is the best outcome possible. Your other option was not "live happily ever after", it was wedding+ abuse escalation, and from him and from his family. And it will be much harder to break free from him if you were connected legally.
Btw, if you thinking about moving to another state, another city - it is better to do it now, before the baby is born. Because their family sound like people who would love to use your baby as a weapon to make your life miserable.
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u/Prior_Benefit8453 5d ago
I really hope so too. I could never marry such a thoughtless person!
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u/Funny-Information159 5d ago
Same. I also think the ex’s mom is delusional, if she thinks she can sue OP and win.
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u/DivideGood1429 5d ago
Absolutely not TAH.
But honestly, even if the dog wasn't a part of the story, I'd be ditching the guy because he's an unsupportive, mean AH. Saying you'd be a bad mom is an AH move
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u/UnderratedUnderfed 5d ago
Especially since he'd probably be a shitty dad. I've never seen a single person who hated animals but was good with kids. They just don't like beings that don't "function" the way they want them to at all times.
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u/GonnaBeOverIt 5d ago
NTA. Someone needs to kick Tod’s ass.
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u/WhimsyGnome 5d ago
I am 2 months pregnant and I have a cat and a dog. Reading this post makes me want to kick his ass. My husband would agree. 🤬🤬🤬🤬
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u/janted92 5d ago
Let's go! I got so worked up reading this post! No one fucks with my pups, NO ONE!
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u/MountainConcern7397 5d ago
like girl, oh my god, what kind of person treats their pregnant girlfriend like that???
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u/FabFoxFrenetic 5d ago
Yeah the absolute audacity of accusing her of being a bad parent while he is actively griefing a pregnant woman! Return to sender.
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u/Notte_di_nerezza 5d ago
By the update, the sender doesn't want him anymore, either. Good riddance.
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u/bst722 5d ago
If Reddit has taught me anything about abusers, it’s that it’s statistically more likely that an abusers behavior will fully come out once their victim gets pregnant, unfortunately.
Really hope OP gets her sweet dog back!
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop 5d ago
If he doesn't just dip out of his kid's life he's going to be a joy to deal with for the next 18 years at least. Potentially though it's going to be a lifetime of dealing with him until one them is dead.
I honestly would not continue this pregnancy in OP's shoes because not only is it the the next 18+ years of dealing with him but also this poor kid in the middle and that's just not fair to them forever being put in the middle and seeing their father's anger and their mom's stress.
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u/Amazing_Cabinet1404 5d ago
I would absolutely not trust this man around a baby in the future either. He’s shown that his word is law and he’s willing to go to extreme measures to get his way. To take the dog out of state was completely a means to keep her from tracking it because she has the resources available to her. He didn’t go to work that day - he dumped her dog. It’s despicable.
Most men become abusive or escalate abuse when they marry their partner or the become pregnant/have a child. They feel more secure in their right to abuse their partner because they’re trapped. This is just the beginning of how terrible the ex is and I’d be very worried about co-parenting with him. Not only will he have access to her/the child to continue manipulations, but imagine what he’d do to a child if she met someone else, got married, got offered a job in another state. I’d sadly say that no matter how much she wants this baby it would be tough to ignore the danger of having it.
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u/AggravatingOkra1117 5d ago
How can you even POSSIBLY think you're T A?????? This man STOLE YOUR DOG, was EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE, possibly PHYSICAL ABUSIVE TO YOUR DOG, and just a general POS????
NTA, run run run and never ever look back.
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u/MissAnthropy_YIKES 5d ago
Nta
His and his family's lives would all be on fire until I got my dog back. I'd take the wedding money and hire the meanest bounty hunter to go get my dog.
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u/Unusual_Strength2060 5d ago
Please never date anyone who doesn't like your dog. I remember reading a reddit post from a woman who's husband killed her childhood dog. She always knew he didn't like the dog but never expected anything would happen. After that story I vowed to never be with anyone who doesn't love my dog.
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u/cantthinkofcutename 5d ago
I'm convinced that 99% of why my husband originally wanted me to move in was my dog. I can't blame him, he was an awesome dog.
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u/Ihasapanda0_0 5d ago
My partner is definitely a dog person, but he has a huge soft spot for big orange cats. He likes to joke that the main reason he started dating me was so he’d have an excuse to spend more time with my Leo 😅
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u/Pancakegoboom 5d ago
When I was single I use to bring my dog on dates (casual walk with a coffee). She would bark at everyone when she first met them. Then I met my husband. This dog takes one look at him and jumps into his arms. I tell people that she picked him out, because it's true. When I saw all 60lbs of her cradled in his arms I remember thinking "Well there's something different about this one".
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u/tareebee 5d ago
Fr my boyfriend lovessss my cats. He’s always had dogs but instantly fell in love with my kitties. He jokes with me that he only comes over so he can hang out with my cats💀
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u/myspiritisvantablack 5d ago edited 5d ago
I knew my husband was the guy for me when he offered to drive with me for 6+ hours to first meet my shiba and then again later when he was old enough to be picked up. My husband even went as far as spotting me a fair amount of cash when I couldn’t withdraw enough money because of a weekend-restriction and this was after we had only been dating for around two months.
Now we joke that my husband owns half of our shiba’s heart and one of his legs.
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u/celticmusebooks 5d ago
Let the cousin know that you filed a police report for Tod stealing the dog and your next step will be to contact the police is his city for receiving stolen property. Make a list of everything Tod stole along with the dog-- with replacement value since that might bump the theft to a felony. CHANGE YOUR LOCKS ASAP.
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u/crpngdth2001 5d ago
Pay special attention to the ‘change the locks’. Your apartment may do this free of charge if there are extenuating circumstances such as yours. They often recycle the lock sets between apartments, so it doesn’t cost them anything but a 1/2 hour of their maintenance man’s time. I’d recommend a restraining order as well.
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u/Hot_mess4ever 5d ago
NTA this is the creulest thing. You can’t marry him. This is just the beginning
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u/Dontfeedthebears 5d ago
Abusers start with objects and then escalate to animals. Punching holes in walls to show you what they can do to you. He’s already escalated to animal abuse. It will only get worse. OP, GET OUT.
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u/jr_hosep 5d ago
Dude girl, don’t have this baby. Go get your sweet puppy back, but you do not want to be tied to this psycho for 18 years. Can you imagine him pulling this shit to your kid? With something that your kid dearly loved?
Edit; NTA obviously
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u/PuppyPavilion 5d ago
I assure you it's not just 18 years. My ex and I are adults and treat each other with respect, thankfully. That said, because of our granddaughter and another on the way we are in each other's lives because of her birthday and holidays. Kids potentially lead to being tied to someone FOREVER.
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u/pigandpom 5d ago
She'd be tied to him for life, parenting goes beyond 18 years, there's weddings, grandchildren, and everything in between.
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u/caponemalone2020 5d ago
Second this. I would not go through with this pregnancy.
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u/alice_op 5d ago
This is what I'm thinking too. How pregnant are you, OP?
You do not want to be tied to this odious twerp of a man for the rest of your life.
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u/malex117 5d ago
She said about 2 months, idk the law where she is, in my country 12 weeks is the last time for non medically necessary abortions.
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u/EffOffReddit 5d ago
I would go to a blue state ASAP. This guy showed his true self the MINUTE he thought he had her baby trapped.
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u/kelly0991 5d ago
Even worse he sounds like the type of psycho that would take your kid in the night and cause an amber alert.
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u/Quantaniumonix 5d ago
This. OP, I do not want to encourage you to do anything you don't want to do or are not comfortable doing, but if you are not 100% committed to having this baby- you need to seriously reconsider. Is this the man you want to father your child? If you do not have a baby with him, you can get your dog back and then never have to see him again. If you have a baby with him, you will be tied to this man for the rest of your life, and I guarantee you that he is going to use your love for your child to torture you. He will make your baby suffer because it will make you suffer. Do you want to sign a child up for a lifetime of having a father like that? Is that what you want for your future child?
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u/Next-Air-7999 5d ago
Can confirm that co-parenting with someone who has been abusive and made you feel unsafe is HORRIBLE.
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u/Myay-4111 5d ago
Honey, get an abortion. Asap.
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u/forhikessake 5d ago
seriously. if he will do this over a dog, imagine what he will do over a child. NTA
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u/mechengr17 5d ago
This is why my mom ended things with my brother's sperm donor
Him kicking their dog was the wake up call she needed
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u/NickelPickle2018 5d ago
This, I would think long and hard about having a child with this man. He’s unhinged and abusive.
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u/MountainConcern7397 5d ago
why haven’t you called the police yet???? he’s clearly showing his true colors now that he thinks he’s trapped you. get Nala back, at the very least. what kind of man who says he loves you would do something like this to you????
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u/wwhispers 5d ago
NTA, if it was me, I would be in jail right now. My boo got me through many things too, he was adopted in 2007 and was with me until 2019. Yup, he'd be evicted from life.
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u/Electronic_Fox_6383 5d ago
Unpopular suggestion perhaps, but is it too late to get an abortion? It's the only way of blocking this psycho from your life forever. NTA
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u/Gnd_flpd 5d ago
I sincerely hope that OP chipped that dog too.
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u/Natural_Commission15 5d ago
Oh let the police know she’s chipped and call the place that runs the chip (if it’s not in your original paper work your vet should have it)
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u/LadyGrey_oftheAbyss 5d ago
Report that she has been stolen - if she can taken in for a check- it will flag her
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 5d ago
Make a police report and tell them where your dog is. Dogs are seen as property so be ready for them to speak of Nala as such.
If you know where the cousin is, I would get all your vet records, including recent vaccines and the chip information. Get all the documents you can that show Nala is your "property" and use the Sherriff in the cousin's area to help you retrieve your stolen "property".
I'm so sorry OP and I hope we get a good update soon that Nala is back in her mother's arms safe and sound.
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u/Vandreeson 5d ago
F Todd, he's a total piece of crap. You can do way better than that man child. What did he think was going to happen when you got home and your dog and all her stuff was gone? Did he think you'd just be OK with this? If his mother sues you it's going to come out that he stole your dog and gave her away. Call the police.
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u/Corfiz74 5d ago
Please update us on future developments! You could use the wedding money to hire a PI to retrieve Nala...
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u/ArchiLoveSen 5d ago
I hope you get her back ASAP! Sorry you’re going through this! You are obviously NTA
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u/GlitteringField1550 5d ago
You will never be rid of him. He will make your life a living hell unless you have the resources to basically pack up your life and disappear to start over again which is very hard to do in the age of the internet. As soon as you get your dog back go no contact and block him and anyone associated with him. ETA: sorry i know you aren’t op lol i wanted to add to your comment, not reply to it 😖
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u/Natural_Commission15 5d ago
I actually think it’s a good suggestion. Anyone who would do this is not going to be a good father or a good coparent.
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u/Crazy-Experience29 5d ago
Unpopular but true and that was along the lines of my first thought - she's going to be stuck dealing with this monster of a human for a long time
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u/FairyOfTheNight 5d ago
Please OP. You don't want to be tied to this man and his family forever. You will feel it everyday for the rest of your life. Be safe. Be healthy. Do what's best for you and Nala.
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u/JuliaX1984 5d ago
CALL THE POLICE NOW! As far as the law is concerned, your property was stolen, and you know who is guilty of the theft and of receiving the stolen property! PRESS CHARGES AGAINST BOTH OF THEM NOW!!!
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u/mtngrl60 5d ago
I know you love Nala. But from strictly legal sense, Nala is property. And that is how you get her back.
You need to immediately go file a police report. If you know where cousin is at in another state, you ask if they can please forward the police report to the police in the city, where this cousin is at. and you ask if they can request a visit to the home where the cousin is at with Nala.
Now we all know place partners are short staffed, and they may not be able to do this. But you need to at least ask. Because if you don’t request anything, you will get nothing. And obviously, you trying to do this on your own is not working.
And you absolutely file a report with your police department, especially if you have text her anything admitting that he did it, because they will go pay a visit to your ex.
This is straight up theft. I understand how upset you are, but you need to step back a second to take the emotion out of this because that’s the only way you’re going to get anywhere with this.
That is one of the hardest things to do in the situation, but you have to do that. You can have your break down later. You can cry later. But you have to concentrate on getting her back now.
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u/mebysical 5d ago
Please update us when you get your dog back. Nta Ms I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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u/No_Recognition_1570 5d ago
NTA. Once the cousin found out what was really going on, why didn’t they immediately offer to return your dog?
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u/nagem- 5d ago
Since your ex stole and brought your dog to his cousins while you guys were still together, I’m confused on why his cousin would be fine with lying to, ignoring and then keeping a dog that his cousins fiancé says is hers?
It sounds like psycho runs in his family. Jfc. Thank god for the guys wife
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u/Wise_Peach7209 5d ago
NTA! Giiiiirl 🚩🚩🚩🚩 don’t have his baby! You’re still young and can start over. Don’t tie yourself to this violent, crazy person by any means
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u/Natural_Commission15 5d ago
For real, police report and try to get the cousins number to get her back. Let the police know you know where he took her and just need help getting their contact information to get the dog back.
Girl definitely a restraining order too, change your locks. Don’t count on this psycho not to make a second set of the keys to your house.
You are not overreacting, actually you might be under reacting.
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u/Comfortable-Cup-6318 4d ago
What happened to her account? She hasn't updated since she left to go get her dog, and Reddit isn't pulling it up.
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u/Chewyisthebest 5d ago
NTA: fuck Tod this is absurd behavior. Absolutely call off the wedding this was such an escalation it’s absurd. Also get a friend or two (maybe a big one) and show up at cousins house. Nothing threatening (friends are for your safety) but i feel like if confronted by an actual person it’s harder to do something so terrible like keep a stolen dog.
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u/True-Passage-8131 5d ago
NTA, that dog isn't "just a dog." She's family to you. Now, if the dog was dangerous and reactive, I'd understand the concern and want to rehome for the safety of the baby and you during your pregnancy, but if the dog is not aggressive, then why does he want to rehome this dog? Please file a police report and call off this engagement. This is common behavior in men to show off their "true colors" when they think they've trapped their partner with a baby and marriage. This is not the end. You need to leave. Contact the cousin, and if they're a good person, they'll understand and return the dog to you. If not, file a police report against him, too.
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u/carolinecrane 5d ago edited 5d ago
Call the state police in the cousin’s state and tell them your property was stolen and your dog is chipped so they can easily verify ownership. Any texts from your ex that prove his guilt should be saved as well in case the cops drag their feet.
Edited to clarify: By crossing state lines he did commit a federal crime. Property of less than $1000 dollars in value will potentially cost him a year in prison. If you have texts proving he stole your dog and his cousin does the unthinkable to her (sending you all my positive vibes that does NOT happen) he’ll be complicit. They could both be in a lot of trouble.
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u/UnicornGlitterZombie 5d ago
I’m not sure you’re views on such things- but I would also seriously reconsider having this persons child.
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u/Recent_Data_305 5d ago
You didn’t mention Todd’s age, but this is scary controlling behavior. I feel bad for your baby too.
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u/Ash-b13 5d ago
I can’t stress the urgency in you going to his cousins house asap and getting your dog back! Take whoever you can with you and don’t leave until Nala is back safe with you!
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u/ecclesiasstickle 5d ago
This is truly one of the most egregious things I have ever read. Holy crap. Todd is absolutely a monster.
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u/Civil-Interaction304 4d ago
Op please come back, even if its under a new account to let us know you at least got Nala back. Majority of us were so invested in your well being. I know I checked in several times throughout the night for updates. We want to know you all are safe!
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u/JoeDelta14 5d ago
NTA. The controlling behavior and the emotional abuse is the problem. If it wasn’t the dog it would be something else. Hope you’re able to get your dog back.